Forgiveness
by grei-eba
Summary: -COMPLETE-Danny fights with his girlfriend and friends. While crying his heart out, he suffers a serious car accident. When he wokes up in the hospital, Death itself will show him how life will be if he keeps all the anger inside.
1. Introduction

Forgiveness

I have forgiven the unforgivable  
And betrayed myself to do it

I have exonerated the guilty, without the right  
Believing I knew best

I have excused the inexcusable  
To make excuses for myself

I have pardoned the unworthy  
To set them free of guilt

I have accepted burdens, to free others  
Then passed them on unthinkingly

I even forgave God for not being there  
Every time I looked

But if I, myself, cannot forgive  
Then who shall do it for me?

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**I didn't write this poem, I don't know who made it, but I think it was good for the beginning because this story is all about forgiveness.**


	2. Meeting Death

**I hope you enjoy this story.  
**

**Enjoy and please review, so at least I know someone's reading it.**

**This story is for Cecilia Mansur, a very good friend and an extremely crazy person who I love. I miss you.**

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Danny's mind.

I felt weak and tired, though I knew I was waking up. I felt pain in a lot of places in my body and I didn't know where I was or how I'd got here. Why did I feel this way? What had happend to me? I was still too lazy to open my eyes, so I just laid there trying to remember the last thing I could remember; a loud kind of mechanical sound, fear and darkness. I tried to go back a little bit more in my memories; I could almost hear the rain falling against my car's windows, the tears running down my cheeks and the anger and disappointment inside every corner of my mind. I had never known what it was to have a broken heart, but _now_ I knew. How could she had done this to me? How _dared_ she? I'd _never_ done _anything_ to hurt her, I'd been a good boyfriend. And my bestfriend... How could he betray me like that? I'd always been a good friend, loyal all along. So what did I make to deserve _this_?

I bit my lower lips as flashes of Harry and Cecilia ran through my mind, uncontrolably, I couldn't help imagining them kissing, laughing behind my back. I couldn't take it anymore, more tears ran down my cheek. I could hear my phone ringing inside my pocket, and I already knew it was Cecilia calling, or some of my friends. Twenty minutes ago, I'd been the happiest guy on Earth. Fifteen minutes ago, I found out my girlfriend and best friend had slept together. '_It was a long time ago_' they said, but it didn't matter to me, they had kept it in secret for two long years, _everybody_ but me seemed to know, I felt so stupid. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to stop the tears, which made my eyes blurry. I heard a car's horn and opened my eyes immediately, surprised and suddenly afraid.

'_Car accident_' I thought and felt a weird feeling in my estomach as I remembered my grandfather had died like that.

I opened his eyes, suddenly curious, to make sure I was alive and wasn't already up in heaven. Tom was sleeping in a chair in the corner of the white room in which we were. There was a large windown and I could see the grey clouds outside, it seemed like it was very early in the morning. I wondered how long I had been asleep. I took a big breath and sat in the hospital bed in which I was lying. I stared at the bandages around my chest and touched my head, which also had bandages, for a moment and then decided to get some information; what the hell had happened to me?

A lot of people was running from here to there in the halways, doctors saying things I couldn't understand and people crying in some places. I now knew that I _hated _hospitals. I cute nurse was walking in my way and I tried talking to her, but when I said 'hi', she ignored me and kept on walking. I rolled my eyes; the pretty girls always think you just want to talk to them to ask them out. Another old guy was walking toward me, he seemed like a serious doctor.

"Excuse me, could you-" but he ignored me too, he didn't even look at me, as if I wasn't there.

I walked toward the hospital reception area and stood in front or a woman who looked tired and didn't seem to be in a good mood. She was writing something in the computer, the lights around her seemed to hurt my tired eyes.

"Hello, I was wondering if I could talk to a doctor please. I'm a patient here and I've just woken up and... Hey, are you listening to what I'm saying?" she kept moving her fingers in the keyboard, not even minding look up "_Hello_? Hello!" Ok, I was annoyed. What's up with the people in this hospital "Hey, I'm talking to _you_!"

"Scream all you want, they won't hear you"

I felt a cold chill on my skin and turned around surprised. A extremely pale girl with blond, long hair and dark eyes was staring at me with an emotionless face. She was wearing a black and very long cloak, I couldn't even see her shoes. The cloack gave her a very creepy look and I would have laught and make fun of her if her face hadn't been so serious and, well, kind of frightening actually.

"What do you mean? Who are you?"

"I am a Grim Reaper"

"A _what_?"

"Death"

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**Short chapter for the beginning, you'll have more soon. I hope you like it!**


	3. The Beginning

**So I honestly didn't think that anyone paid attention to what I write here, but apparently some of you do. Jessie asked me for some of my songs and well, I didn't really understand what that meant, but I'm just going to put names of songs I like from time to time [Jessie, please let me know if that's what you mean]...Right now I'm listening to 'Arctic Monkeys', there's this song they have 'Choo Choo'... I know, the name sounds stupid, but I like that song so much, the beginning is just so cool! The bass sounds just great in that song, I love trying to hear the different rhythms of the instruments.**

**Enjoy and review.**

**THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!**

**Ceci: if you are reading, please review so at least I know you are reading the story. No problem if you don't like it, seriously, I'll just make another story for you ;)  
**

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I felt I would faint but for some reason I didn't. I thought I would die of fear in that very same moment and wondered if death actually worked that way of if I as already dead. I wanted to ask her but I could said nothing at all, my throat and mouth were dry and my lungs seemed to have no air left. I unconsciously leaned against the wall and put a hand over my chest, as if I could protect my heart, as if I could stay alive just by doing that. I looked around me, praying that someone would finally notice me, but nobody did.

"You'll be alright after I explain what's happening" she said.

"I'm dead!" I almost chocked.

"No, you are not dead. You are in a coma"

"So I'm dying?"

"Everybody's dying, even the smallest baby"

"Are you here to take me to... Heaven or whatever?"

"I'm here to show you the future based on the power of your hate and anger"

First I had no idea what she was talking about, then I remembered all about Cecilia and Harry, and anger replaced the fear I was feeling. I thought I would burst out into tears... _Again_. I've always shown everyone that I don't care that much about love or that I wasn't romantic at all, though Cecilia had been my girlfriend for over two years, but the truth was that I was deeply in love with her and I cared a lot about our relationship, even if sometimes I behaved a bit stupid. I'd always treated her properly, I called her when I said I would and took her out to dinner every week... And she paid me by screwing with my bestfriend. I gave a damn if the two f them had been drunk, it wasn't an excuse. I would never forgive him or her, I hated them, I didn't want to see or listen to them ever again. In my mind, they were dead.

"So I'm not dead?" I said.

"Not yet"

I felt something weird in my chest and knew I was afraid. I was feeling really miserable but did I want to die? I certainly didn't want to talk to either Harry or Cecilia, and part of that meant no more McFLY; if Harry didn't leave the band, I would. If neither of us did it, things would get awkward anyway, I would ignore him or fight with him and the band would turn into crap little by little.

"I'll show you wht happens to the people you love" she said and started walking towards the room in which I'd woken up. I followed her nervously, not knowing what to expect.

"What if I don't want to see the future?"

She turned to me with a bored face as she kept walking "I'll kill you. Now"

"Alright, no need to be such a bitch. Can you tell me if Bolton wins anything in anytime soon?"

"No"

"What's your name?"

"I don't have a name, I'm a Grim Reaper"

"Can I call you Grimmy?"

"No"

"If Brad Pitt was Joe Black, can I call you Joanna? Joanna Black, it sounds cool"

"No"

"I'm going to call you like that anyway... Do Grim Reapers have sense of humour?"

"We are all diferent"

"So it's just you, huh? I got the boring one, _great_"

"Here we are" she stopped in front of my room and turned to me "Welcome to your future"

I took a step inside to take a better view to whatever was going on inside. A second me was laying in the same hospital bed in which I'd woken up, he was very pale and seemed very miserable. Did I look like that right now? Tom was next to me with a tired face and a coffee in his hands. I'd found out Tom had known about Harry and Cecilia's night together and he hadn't said a word about it to me, and I was so mad at him for that, but then I just figured out it wasn't his responsability to tell me, I thought I really shouldn't get angry at him, it wasn't his fault. My good friend Tom would always be by my side.

"Your mother is on her way to the hospital" he said, but Danny, the second Danny, didn't answer, I just kept staring out the window "The doctors say you can leave in a couple of days and our manager has already rearranged our interviews, but you don't have to go if you don't want to, though the fans are quite worried about you, they will like to see you"

Tom waited but Danny didn't even look at him.

"Say something" I said impatiently.

"Danny, say something, please" Tom said and ran his fingers through his hair impatiently "You haven't talked since you woke up, I'm worried, dude"

"McFLY's over" Danny said with a deep, emotionless voice. Tom stood still for a moment and opened his mouth several times to talk but manages to said nothing at all "I don't ever want to see Harry again"

"Do you see that expression in Tom's face?" Joanna said, which made me jumped, I'd forgotten about her "That's guilt. He feels guilty because he didn't tell you about Harry and your girlfriend. Guilt is a very powerful and destructive feeling"

"Danny don't do this, please. Things will get better-"

"It's over!" he shouted, causing Tom and me to jump, surprised. Tom's coffee fell over his lap and he stood up fastly. He looked at Danny and hesitated.

"I'll be back in a minute" he said.

Tom left and Danny turned towards the window again. I got a bit closer to myself, looking at my scars.

"Look what she's done to us" I whispered.

"Danny?" a soft voice said from behind me. The two of us turned immediately, recognizing that voice. Cecilia was looking extremely exhausted, big violet marks under her eyes, which were red for crying. I hated to see her cry but I was too angry to feel pitty.

"Whar are you doing here?" I said angrily, forgetting that no one could hear me.

"How even dare you showing your face here?" the other me said.

"I came to see how you were doing" she said softly.

"First of all, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for _you_, _this_ is your fault. And secondly, I don't want to ee you... Never again"

"Danny, please, just let me explain what happened"

"You slept with my bestfriend, you cheated on me from the very start of our relationship, what else do you have to say?"

"It was a mistake, Danny! I love you!"

"Oh, please, don't say that! Baby, we'll get through this"

"There's no _we_, you are on your own now. Leave, Cecilia, you are no one to me anymore"

She turned and ran away. I watched her running down the hallway until she bumped into Tom. He hugged her tightly and caressed her hair.

"He hates me, Tom, and he will forever" she said as she cried in his arms.

"Oh, Ceci... He's just angry"

"No, we are over, I know it! Oh, Tom, I love him, what am I going to do?"

I turned around and almost bumped into Joanna. Her face was still emotionless while mine was miserable. Her deep dark eyes seemed to be hypnotizing but they had no effect on my troubled mind.

"Take me away from here" I said "I don't want to see this anymore"


	4. Congratulations

**I watched Glee's fifth chapter yesterday and they sang 'Somebody To Love'. You have to listen to them singing! Give them a chance, they are seriously great!!**

**Enjoy and review.**

**I'm so glad Ceci's liking the story :) I'm trying to mix humour with all the drama so the story will be at least a bit fun.**

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"Who do you want to see first?" Joanna asked me as we walked away from the hospital through very nice gardens in which she seemed completely out of place; she was all dark and scary, while the roses and other flowers sorrounded us, almost welcoming us with open arms, though they don't have arms... You get the idea!

"I don't know" I said. I was still trying to get the pitty I felt for Cecilia out of my head and heart, and I needed a distraction "How about my family?"

"No, we'll go from the beginning, from you to the consequences of your hate and anger"

"Why did you ask if you already have all this planned?"

"I just wanted to know your opinion"

I rolled my eyes "So we'll see my life?"

"We'll see many lifes, including yours, step by step"

I felt a weird feeling inside, like sudden nauseas, and then felt shocked when the whole environment around ud changed in a blink. Now we were in a quite empty bar, I could hear music coming from somewhere, maybe a radio, and a couple of two old people were talkig in whispers. I saw myself sitting alone in a corner of the bar, staring out the window just like in the hospital, but I knew he wasn't really looking at anything.

"Tom is about to come" Joanna said from behind me.

I walked toward the second Danny and sat next to him. He still seemed distant and yet also angry, it was like if I could see his hate through his eyes. His hate, _my_ hate. There was a walking-stick leaning against the wall with my initials on it. Was it really mine? What was wrong with my leg? I saw myself taking some pills from his pocket and putting them inside my mouth; painkillers.

Tom came in a couple of minutes later, he was looking tired but not angry at all, I really didn't think I'd ever seen him angry before. He's one of those people that you wonder what the hell can possibly really deeply annoy them. He stared at the walking-stick for a moment, then looked away and sat in front of us.

"How's your leg?" he asked.

"It still hurts. The doctors say I will be able to walk without the stick. So what did they say?" Danny said.

"They didn't like the idea, I'm sorry. They said McFLY without Harry wouldn't be the same, the fans would get angry if we replaced him and the sales would go down"

"Damn... What about you and me? We could have a band together, just the two of us"

"What about Dougie? We can't just leave him out, he's our friend"

"He's young, he'll be alright"

"He didn't finish school, we are all he has"

"What about me? I have nothing at all, remember?"

Tom sighed and hesitated.

"Alright... I'll see what I can do..."

The nauseas came back and the environment changed again. I fell to the floor when my chair disappeared and I heard Joanna's quiet laugh behind me.

"I though you had no sense of humour" I said.

"I never said that... I will certainly enjoy bothering you" she said "I've done this for thousands of years, I've watched humans do so many stupid things for such stupid reasons... I deserve some fun"

"Hey, do you think we could date?"

"You do not want that; if I kiss you, you'll die"

"Ok, then can we date _after_ I die?"

"No way in hell"

"Hey, does hell exist?"

"Shut up and pay attention"

I looked around me and felt a bit relief when I recognized the place; Dougie's livingroom. Being there gave me a strange feeling of hope, as if someone here would notice me just because I'd been there hundreds of times before.

Harry was sitting in a corner with a bottle of whisky, his favorite drink, in one hand and a glass in the other hand. Dougie came into the room with a sandwhich on his hand and a worried look on his face. I couldn't believe he was still talking to him after everything that had happened to me for his fault.

"I have a bad feeling, dude" Dougie said "Tom sounded weird on the phone"

"This is all my fault" Harry said.

"Hell yeah it is" I said and wished he could have heard me.

"If I could make one wish" he said "I would wish I'd never drunk that much in that stupid party. How could I have messed up like that?"

"Harry, saying this won't solve anything"

"I know, he just hates me and he will forever" he sighed and drank his full glass of whisky "Cecilia said he looked like crap, damn angry. He will never forgive me or her for this"

"You are damn right" I whispered.

"I wish there was a way to let him see I'm really sorry. I don't even remembre what the hell happened, I just woke up next to her and we freaked out"

"I know, dude, I believe you"

The bell rang and Dougie almost ran to open the door. Tom looked kind of sick and didn't look at neither of them straight into their eyes first.

"What are you doing drinking whisky at three in the afternoon?" he said as he looked at Harry's bottle with a disgust face.

"Tom, please, not now" Harry said.

"What did you wanted to tell us?" Dougie asked nervously.

Tom ran his fingers through his hair and breahted deeply "McFLY is officially over"

"What? No!" Dougie said.

"Please, don't do this" Harry said, kind of begging really.

"_I_ am not doing _anything_, I don't want this either" Tom said.

"Then don't let Dnny do this" Harry said "McFLY has nothing to do with Cecilia, it's not fair"

"I tried to persuade him but he didn't listen to me and he won't" Tom siad.

"But, Tom, McFLY is all we have" Dougie said "I left school for this band! What am I suppose to do, go back to school with 21 years old?"

"I don't know, dude" Tom said "This if for me as hard as it is for you"

"Cant we just play?" Harry said "We do not need to be friends if he doesn't want it, we can just play"

"I already told him that" Tom said "Look, there's nothing I can do, I'm sorry!"

Harry stoopd up fastly and grabbed Tom's wrist before he could leave the room.

"Talk to him again!" he said desperately.

"He's not going to change his mind" Tom said as he quickly look at Harry's strong hand around his wrist.

"Just do it!" Harry pushed him and Tom fell backwards, stumbled and then hit his head against the wall. Harry tried to help him but Tom pushed his hand away.

"Get the hell away from me!" Tom said, angry for the first time in years "If this is who you are going to become, nothing but a stupid drunkard, then I don't want to be your friend anymore!"

Tom stood up and walked away, I heard him closed the door with unnecessary force. Harry put his hands over his face and Dougie sat -well, kind of fell- over the couch.

"What the hell are we going to do now?" he whispered.

"Congratulations, Danny" Joanna said "That's how you make a five years old friendship end"


	5. Impotent and Vulnerable

**I'm listening to 'Sound Of Pulling Heaven Down' by Blue October. It's from the list of New Moon movie's songs, though I don't know if it was the official list or just one that Stephenie Meyer did... The song's great anyway, check it out!  
**

**Sorry for updating so late! I had a busy day and I've got exams coming and my Literature teacher has gone mad, she wants us to read one book every week... I think she forgot we had lifes outside the school! I think she forgot I already read books, I don't need school to force me to do it! I'm not ever going to finish 'The Analyst' if she keeps this madness going. Oh, that leads me to say that I'm proud of you for reading, you must be those teenagers that still know what reading is. Books are on their way to get extinct, so sad.**

**Enjoy and review!**

**THANKS SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY ROCK!**

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"Can't we walk?" I said when the environment changed again, which meant new nauseas "I feel sick"

"No"

"Can you at least say something more than just 'no'?"

"No. Can you pay a little bit more attention?"

"No" I smiled.

I loked around me and recognized Tom's house. Marvin **[a/n: that cat is fucking famous and yet he does nothing at all!!! Crazy wrorld. He's so cute]** was laying on the sofa, sleeping like baby, and I could hear Vicky **[a/n: remember Vicky's going to be Tom's girlfriend in all of my stories as a gift for a friend, but she's NOT Danny's sister]** singing from the kitchen.

"Tom is about to come" Joanna said in her emotionless tone.

"Are you kind of a fortune-teller? Do you see the future?"

"Of Course I do, we _are_ in the future, dumbass!"

"So why don't you just tell me? Wouldn't that be faster? I think I've got to go to the bathroom"

"I won't, my existence wouldn't be so much fun if I did. Now go to the kitchen, Tom's parking his car"

I followed her to the kitchen, where Vicky was making a tomato salad as she stared out the window, probably at Tom. He came in just some seconds later, looking like crap and I noticed he was wearing the same clothes he'd worn at Dougie's house.

"Yes, genius" Joanna said "he comes from there"

I turned around surprised "Can you read my mind? Ho awfull I feel mentally raped!"

"Just pay attention, I want you to see this"

Tom hugged Vicky from behing tightly and kissed her hair. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I love you so much, you know that, right?" he whispered without letting her go.

Vicky turned around and took his face with her hands, examining every corner of it with concern. Obviously, the tone of his voice had alarmed her.

"Thomas Michael Fletcher, what happened? Why do you look unhappy?" she asked.

Tom hugged her closer and burried his face on her neck. She carssed his hair and I could swear he was sobbing.

"Baby, what's wrong? Please talk to me, honey. You are not going to break up with me, are you?"

"_What?_ No!" he said, now looking at her, his eyes a bit red and tearful "I would _never_ to that!"

"Then what is it, Tom? You are scaring me, babe. It has something to do with Danny, am I right?"

"Yes. McFLY is over and I've just told to Harry and Dougie... We kind of had a fight, Harry pushed me and I said really bad things to him"

"Then talk to him again, tell him you are sorry, I'm sure he'll understand. You don't have to stop being friend with him just because you are not bandmates anymore"

"No, I don't think I can do that... Danny has forgiven me for not telling him about Harry and Cecilia, but he won't forgive me if I go on being with Harry"

"But, Tom, that's absolutely unfair, he doesn't dedice how's your friend and who's not, that's your choice. Since when does Danny have full control of you life?"

"He doesn't, Vicky, alright? Besides, there are more important things to think about"

"Friendship is over anything else and you know it"

"Seriously, baby... I'm worred, I don't know what we are going to do without the band, it was all we had. Not only I loved it, but it was also my job and now I don't have one anymore, so that means so money. We should move"

"Are you serious? This is our house"

"Just for some time, until I find a good job again. Come on, we can have a nice apartment with a nice view and new but cheaper furnitures. What do you think about that?"

"I think Danny sucks" Vicky stood up and left the kitchen, but Tom and I followed her with our eyes but didn't move an inch.

"Thanks, Vicky, it was nice to see you too" I whispered, then turned to Joanna "Can we stop watching Tom?"

"Why? Do you feel uncomfortable?"

"Don't psychoanalyse me"

"Why not? Does it bother you?"

"Stop"

She smiled evily, then her emotionless face came back again "Tom seems to be particulary special to you, important in your heart, that's why we are watching him and we will not stop. You need to see what _your_ choices are doing to your bestfriend"

"I'm going to survive this, aren't I? You wouldn't be showing me the future if I did not had one"

"Maybe... or Maybe I just want you to suffer. Those who messed up with other people's futures and corrupted their lifes, those that let their own sorrow get into the lifes of the ones they loved, are not treated nicely by Death"

"What the hell does that mean? You know I'm kind of dumb, don't you?"

"Maybe you still can't see it, maybe you _never_ will, you are too blinded by your own private anger. You will change, for example, Tom's future. I will not treat you kindly when you die, but I will be nice to him"

"Don't you even dare visiting him!" I suddenly felt quite annoyed at her and a bit worried about Tom, I was stll a bit mad at him but I couldn't stand thinking of his death "Leave him alone"

She smiled and I knew she was finding this, my reaction, rather interesting than threatening... Well, I was tall and strong, but she was Death itself, I could do nothing to her, she was long dead.

Joanna stook some steps towards Tom, who was still there in the kitchen, lost in thoughts as he stared out the window.

"Joanna, stop, it's not funny!" I said annoyed and impatienly. I tried to grab her wrist but it burned my skin the moment I touched her and I immediately removed my hand in pain. She leaned down to kiss Tom as she looked at me with wild eyes, and I felt both scared and angry, I could do nothing at all about this, I could do nothing to stop her, I was completely impotent and vulnerable and I thought, for a moment, that I would lose my mind as my heartbeat sped up and my legs were shaking. I was watching Tom's death.

"Stop!"

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**Chapter dedicated to Vicky, who's in love with Tom. If he knew you, he'd love you just as everybody does :) Including me!**


	6. The Groom's Still Waiting At The Altar

**My sister is 24 and she's one of those girls -well, women- who love shopping, have no problem talking about sex and is ashamed of nothing... I was just walking to the fridge to get something to eat and she was sitting in the kitchen and there was an old guy and his assistant fixing something in the dinning room, which is just next to the kitchen, and then my sister says: 'hey! I've got that bra too!' and then I turned with my cheeks all red and the guys from the livingroom where staring at me!!! [I should add that I'm one of those people that get super embarrased with everything, I'm extremely shy]... Oh, God, I've got a crazy family...**

**Have you already listened to 'I kissed a girl' by McFLY? I love how the piano sounds, love it love it! They should have more songs with the piano :(  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

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I felt confused when I saw a church in front of me. I looked around trying to find Tom somewhere near me, but all I saw was Joanna looking at me, waiting for my reaction, a bored expression on her face. She was lucky to be dead, she would have died single, nobody would want to date someone with that face.

"What-?"

"I'm here for you" she said "I'm not authorized to touch anybody else's soul, only yours"

"So he's alive, Tom's safe?"

"Safe if a very complicated word... He's not safe from a thief or a war or from a car crash..."

I rolled my etes, she was starting to piss me off.

"Is he safe from _you_?"

"Yes, he is"

"Where are we now?" I felt a bit stupid as I immediately recognized the place. Cecilia always used to tell me that I would always ask a question first without previously thinking about the answer, even if I already knew it or if it was obvious. I put that thought away as soon as her gorgeous smile crossed my mind and hurt me deeply.

"Why are we here?" many cars sorrounded the church I used to visit all Sundays during my childhood. We were in Bolton, I knew that place as I knew my name; Daniel David Alan Jones... Oh, no, wait! It's Daniel Alan David Jones... Right?... Yes, that's it.

"You know where we are. Have you forgotten your sister's wedding? It's today"

How the hell was I supposed to know what day today was?

I made a big 'o' with my mouth as I remembered getting the invitation about a month before the accident. She was going to marry Lewis Murray, a guy she'd met at a bar. That had always been kind of weird in my mind and I'd warned my sister about what I knew for experience; you should never trust a guy you met at a party. You'll know for a fact that like women and parties, which is a bad combination for relationships. I'd dumped and slept with a lot of women I'd met at bars, nothing had ever worked out but I did managed to get under their sheets... Of course that was before Cecilia, who by the way I met during a photoshop, not in a bar, she was a quite successful photographer. What I'm trying to say is that I'd never completely trusted Lewis, Vicky was very important to me and I wanted to see her happy all the time. I'd always kept my eyes locked on him when I was around them, analysing his every move and making sure he didn't do anything stupid that could hurt her... Nothing like what Cecilia did to me...

"My sister's getting married!" I said proudly, dispite my lack of trust for Lewis. **[a/n: now this is Danny's older sister Vicky, NOT Tom's girlfriend]**

"We'll see... Follow me" Joanna said and started walking towards the church. I followed her just because I had, but I wasn't too sure if I wanted to see this, I had a bad feeling, that creepy '_we'll see_' wasn't too friendly, it couldn't mean anything good.

Joanna looked completely out of place in the church, God's house; she was all dark and evil, and that place was filled of happy memories for me. I was hoping that, for some supernatural reason, she wouldn't be able to get into the church, but she did and she also caught me thinking about it.

"You will not be able to get rid of me" she said without even looking at me.

"I don't want to see my sister's wedding, it'll ruin the surprise"

"I don't like surprises"

"You can see the future, there are _no_ surprises for you"

She ignored me and kept walking until I thought she was going to hit her head against the wall, but she just disappeared through it and I frozed completely in shock. I put a hand over the wall and stared at it for a moment. Then Joanna appeared next to me and I unconsciously let out a loud shout.

"You can do it too. Now hurry up" she said impatiently.

I took a big breath and closed my eyes, then ran for a moment. I felt nauseas -_again!_- and opened my eyes when they stopped.

"Why is it _always_ nauseas? Why can't I feel like... I don't know, like I'm eating a hamburger with a lot of cheese on it?" I said as I grabbed my estomach.

"How many times will I have to tell you to pay attention?"

I rolled my eyes and looked around to see Vicky wearing a long and beautiful white dress. I smiled without even noticing but my smile faded away when I realized she was crying. Mum had an arm around her and was caressing her hair.

"What's going on?" I asked, forgetting once again that they couldn't hear me.

"Vicky, he loves you" mum said "Come outside, baby"

"I don't know... You don't understand, mum..." Vic said between sobs.

I saw myself runnning into the room and looking around it until finally laying eyes on Vicky. He was wearing a suit, which made him look a little bit better, though I was certainly thinner and a bit pale. He replaced mum's place by my sister's side and held her close to him.

"What happened, darling?" he said softly.

"That should be the first and only time you've been nice to someone since you woke up" Joanna said, but I simply ignored her.

"I was with the girls" Vicky explained, still between sobs "they were hepling me to get my hair done and then Grace said something about the night I met Lewis, but she didn't mean to say it as a bad thing, it's not her fault..."

"What did she say?"

"She said '_I would have never imagined you would end up marrying him since he asked me out first_'! Can you believe that? I was his second choice, he wanted _her_ first!"

"I'm so going to kill that guy" Danny helf her even more thighly as my -_our_- sister cried.

"Honey, it's not such a big deal" mum said "It was a long time ago and you two love each other, don't give up on something like this, what you two have is very special, everybody knows it. He just met her first and asked her out, and so what? Then he fell in love with _you_"

Vicky looked at her for a moment and I saw confussion in her eyes, she was hesitating.

"You don't understand us" Danny said coldly.

"Do not talk to me like that, Daniel" mym said annoyed "Vicky, darling, don't let your brother get to your head, Lewis loves you and he's waiting for you"

"Love does nothing but hurt us. What if in ten years he decides to choose someone else over their marriage?" Danny said and then turned to Vicky "He has never even mentiones this, you found out through a friend, just as I did. You can't trust him, Vicky."

"He's right, mum" Vicky said in a low voice "There will be no wedding today"


	7. Let Me In

**I know, I know, sorry for the delay!!! It wasn't my fault, Internet died yesterday and it didn't come back until today, I had to call the phone service to get my Internet checked.**

**Ok, moving on... I'm listening to 'I'm Only Me When I'm With You' by Taylor Swift. If you think about it, it's rather funny cause I listen to both Taylor Swift and, for example, AC/DC, that would be 'Our Song' and 'Hell's Bells'... Yeah, I know, I'm a weird person.**

**I made more silly drawings of some characters, do you want to see them? :D I suck at drawing, that's a warning, but I may put them on my account in deviantart  
**

**Enjoy and review.

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"You know what I'm starting to think?" I said as we walked outside that room through the wall, but she just ignored me "Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly."

"Why, aren't you having a nice time with me?" she smiled evily and then looked away again.

"I knew he was trash" I mumbled.

"He's not" Joanna said "His soul is cleaner than yours. If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

"Well, he certainly had time loving all of the girls he wanted."

"He just wanted sex, just like you did. Weren't you like him too? You thought about it, I heard you, and I know it anyway, I know all about you. You can't hate someone who was just like you were without hating yourself"

"I don't hate myself"

"You will when we are finished with this..."

She stopped walking and pointed to my left. I turned around and saw myself alone in a dark corner, his hand on his pocket. He took out something I couldn't see and then put it on his mouth.

"What did I put on my mouth?" I asked Joanna.

"More painkiller. You are getting addicted"

"No... I used them because I had something on my leg..." I remembered the walking-stick... No way I was addicted to painkillers, I was smarter than that.

"You don't need them anymore... Your mind does... Come on, I want to show you something else before we go"

I just followed her without really paying attention to anything else, I was thinking about a lot of things; I hated Lewis, I hated Harry, I hated Cecilia, right now I was mad at my mother, Tom was going to have to move because of me and Vicky wasn't too happy about that, my sister was still crying in another room and I was starting to develop an addiction. Ok, things could be better... I was not going to feel guilty about this, she was not going to break me, I was convinced this was not my fault, none of these would had happened if it wasn't for Harry and Cecilia, they were the ones who should be seeing all these things, not me.

When I looked up, I was Lewis sitting in the floor, in the middle of the altar, sorrounded by two guys with fancy suits and two girls that were wearing the same dress, which had to be my sister's bridesmaids. I knew one of them, that was Grace, the one who told Vicky about Lewis' huge mistake. My sister had introduced us a long time ago and I'd almost slept with her, but Tom kept me from doing that because he didn't want to be left alone between all the girls...Coward. Anyway, I was glad he did because that girl talks nothing but about herself, her ego was bigger than her head and I didn't have enough patience for a girl like that.

"I still don't understand" Lewis said, his voice trembling a lttle bit, his eyes full of tears "What happened? Nobody has told me _anything_!"

"It'll be alright, Lewis" one of the groomsmen said "You'll fix this"

"Fix this? How can I fix something unknown? I've been waiting for about two hours here! Why isn't she here? Do you think she may have changed her mind about us?"

"Or there's somebody else involved, if you know what I mean" the other groomsman said.

"No!" Grace said "She's not cheating on you, she'd never do that!"

"Then why aren't we already married by now?" Lewis ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath; I would have felt sorry for him if he wasn't such an idiot.

Grace and the other bridesmaid looked at each other for a moment and the tall guy caught their suspicious look.

"You know something, don't you? he said and the three of them were immediately looking at the two girls "I mean, you were with her before whatever happened, you _must_ know and you _have_ to tell us"

"I think it may have being my fault..." Grace said.

Lewis stood up and got a bit closer to her, his eyes wild with fury. "What did you do?"

"I didn't think I would cause any trouble, I swear! I didn't think at all!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO!!??" Lewis shouted, causing both girls to jump surprised.

"Lewis, calm down" one of the boys said.

"I kind of told her you had a crush on me first" Grace said very quickly "You know, when we first met"

"_What?_ I've never had a crush on you!"

"Yes, you did! You said 'hello, why don't you tell me your name, I'll buy you a couple of drinks and then we can go to your table and talk for a while?' but I said no because I already had a date that night"

"Obviously you are too stupid and egocentric to understand what I was trying to do!" Lewis shouted furiously "I wanted you to take me to your table so I could talk to Vicky! I wasn't interesting in you at all! You blew me off so I had to find another way to get to her!"

"Oh, really? That's is kind of sweet" the other bridesmaid said.

"You have ruined my wedding just for that stupid missunderstanding!" Lewis seemed out of his mind. He looked at her for a moment, deep hate on his eyes, then turned around and left. I followed him as he ran through the hallways towards the room I'd seen earlier with Joanna. Danny, well me, but not me, was leaning against the door and he stared at Lewi with hate as soon as he saw him.

"What are you doing here?" Danny said without even trying to hide his anger.

"I need to talk to her" Lewis said "Please, Danny, let me see her"

"She's sleeping and we are leaving in a should do the same"

"I'm not leaving without her. Listen, everything is just a big missunderstanding, I can explain it"

"NO! Get the hell away from my family"

"You don't own her, she'sa big girl, let me in!"

"She's my sister and she's one's second choice"

Lewis tried to move him away from the door but Danny pushed him away and hit him on the face.

"That's for y sister, you are not ever going to hurt her again"

"I can fix this, please, I love her!"

"Well, she hates you, she told me she does not _ever_ want to see you again, so do us all a favor abd get the hell away from here"

Lewis looked at him for a moment, secretly bedding him to let him see her at least one more time, but Danny's cold eyes showed no mercy.

"She really said that?" he mumbled.

"She did" Danny said.

"No, she didn't" I whispered then looked at Joanna "Hey, wait a minute, this is not fair, Grace is just so stupid, it was a mistake, he seems to deserve her"

"Love is your enemy and you'll keep the ones that are still a part of your life away from it if you can" Joanna said with Danny's same cold voice "There's nothing I can do"

Lewis let out some heavy tears in silence and I couldn't help feeling guilty and, somehow, it really was my fault. I watched him leave in silence, though I could here him sobbing. I, in a way, had ruined my sister's chance to get married, to be loved and to be hapy. I'd ruined her life.


	8. Small Hope

**Girls, we have a problem. Well, _you_ have a problem... My internet is failing _and_ I have to finish a hell long and boring project for my literature class.. Well, they are actually two. That woman seriously forgets that we have a life outside the school. Don't teachers know homework is not all we've got? Annoying!!! And they just won't listen... Plus, I've got around 5 exams coming and it's going to get worse in November...  
**

**SO this means I may not update everyday from now on but I promise you guys I will do my best to update as soon as I can! Besides, it's not like I'm going to disappear for weeks, alright? No way I'm going to do that to you! This is just a warning, don't freak out if, for example, I don't show up tomorrow, alright? I hope you understand, I'm still a student and, well, that sucks, but I've got to do what I've got to do.**

**Enjoy and review. Thanks again for all the reviews!**

**"Uprising" by Muse reminds me of The Vulturi -from Twilight. Funny thought.**

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I looked around, glad we weren't at the church anymore, and saw Dougie staring at a large a big library and moving his eyes from side to side, looking for a book. I stood next to him and felt pitty when I saw his troubled face.

"All my life I've been trying to be someone" he mumbled to himself "I guess I should have been more specific"

"Dougie, dear" Sam, Dougie's mum, said as she walked toward him, she was holding a couple of books and folders that looked brand new "have you found the book you need?"

Doug just moved his head from side to side and sighed. His mother put a hand over his shoulder for support but he didn't react at all to her touch.

"Oh, baby, come on, it won't be that bad" she said.

"Soon everbody in Britain will know that this 21 years ols loser is going back to school... I'm pathetic"

"You'll find another band and everything is going to be alright again"

"Firtly, no band will ever be like McFLY to me, and, secondly, one band has already rejected me, they said they don't like my style and don't want to mix their punk style with McFLY's fans"

"That is so stupid"

"I know" he sighed again and stood on his tiptoes to grab a big history book from the top of the library "I'm going to suck, I've forgotten about so many things"

"You'll be alright, honey, I'll help you"

"Oh, thanks, mum, I'll be 22 in a couple of months and my _mummy_ still helps me with my math homework" he rolled his eyes and walked toward the counter.

"I'll find you a tutor if you want" Sam said as they walked outside.

"We'll see, mum..." Dougie closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then opened his eyes and kissed his mum's cheek "Thanks for your help, mum... I'm going to check on Harry, he's not doing to well lately..."

The environment changed and well, I should just get used to the nauseas... Harry's room was dark and messy, hi windows were closed and his clothes were on the floor and a chair. A girl came in and out the room several times and she would always look at him, checking if he'd woken up, she seemed kind of impatient.

"She's a... Well, you know, a... not very decent lady... Right?" I asked Joanna.

"Nobody wants to be alone in the cold nights, don't you think?" she simply said, but I took that as a yes.

The girl finally laid on the bed next to him and shook him a little bit. Harry didn't move but I knew him well enough and it was obvious that he was just ignoring her.

"Hey, are you awake?" the girl whispered in a playful tone, maybe waiting for some more action.

"Go away" Harry said in a harsh voice.

She stood up in a blink with an angry expression on her face and put her shoes on.

"You stupid little boy" she mumbled, then closed the door loudly and then... Silence. Harry didn't move an inch, I was sure he'd got hell drunk last night.

Around ten minutes later, Dougie came in and sighed when he saw Harry laying in the bed, looking kind of dead.

"Your girl for the night let me in" he said.

"Great" Harry said with an ironic tone.

"Did you get drunk?"

"Isn't that surprising?" he was still using that ironic and kind of arrogant tone, which was weird, he'd never talked to Dougie like that.

"You're not a quite friendly drunk anymore"

"Sorry for ruining your fun, mate"

Dougie opened the windows and Harry just put his pillow over his head as Dougie took the covers off of him. Harry opened just one eye and look at Dougie, who was carrying a box with the books he'd bought, then closed it again.

Now I could see quite many bottles in the floor, there were 6 of them, of all different kinds of alcoholic drinks. Oh, man, Harry was on his way to self-destruction. "He deserves it" I thought coldly.

"Get up" Dougie said "I'll takeyou to have lunch"

"I rather stay here"

"Then I'll call for pizza"

"How about you close the windows and I go back to sleep?"

"No, Harry. Come on, dude, this is not you. I know this is hard, but we've got to move on, do useful things with our lifes"

"Like going back to school at the age of 21? Oh, by the way, what do you want for your 22th birthday?"

Dougie rolled his eyes but he didn't fool me and I knew Harry knew it too; that had hurt Dougie. For him, out opinion had always mattered.

"I'm not going to let this happen, Harry" he said "I don't want you to be the guy who ruins his life"

"Dude, you should do something about _your _life first... At least I finished school"

"OK, THAT'S IT!" Dougie shouted "Get the hell up from that bed right now!"

Harry stared at him from a moment, kind of surprised, but I couldn't really tell, he looked like a zombie and damn, his room didn't smell too nicely. He didn't stand up but at least he sat on the bed and kept staring at Dougie, waiting for something.

"Why are you here, Dougie?"

"Because we are still friends, and this, whatever I'm doing, is what friends do. I'm not going to let you fall"

"I've always fallen, dude, and I'm in the deepest place in the hole"

"Well, I'm taking you out then"

"You are in the middle of the hole too"

"At least I don't sleep with hookers... Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent. Well, at least we can learn that, ok?"

"Dude, you didn't even get laid when we were famous"

Dougie's cheek turned red and he threw Harry his jeans "Look, what we both need is to find a new job"

"I don't want a job, they all suck"

"Do you want to be poor?"

"Do you want to be unhappy?"

"I rather be unhappy than poor"

"I rather be poor than stupid... You need to finish school before getting a job, dumbass"

"And you need to stay sober. We'll look after each other, ok? But you have to promise me you'll stop drinking, you are starting to mess up badly, dude"

Harry sighed and laid down on the bed again. Dougie waited, I could still see the hidden sorrow deep down in his eyes, he was like a little brother to me, to all of us in McFLY, and it was hard to see him like that, but he was the youngest and he was strong, I had hope in him, he would get through this, he wasn't going to fall down.

"If you don't drop school anymore and I will stay sober"

"Deal?"

"Deal"

They smiled at each other and that was the first time I saw them smiling after my accident, that was my small hope, he'd be alright, I didn't care about Harry to be honest, but I did care about Dougie...

If only I knew things would get worse and worse...


	9. Wish Harder

**I officially hate my Literature teacher. Besides, don't you think it's unfair that she makes us do projects that involve the computer or the digital camera? Not everyone has access to that and they have nothing to do with school. I don't know, I just don't think it's apropiate.**

**Check out 'Behind Blue Eyes' by The Who or also Sheryl Crow's version too, both are awesome!! I've got a story with that title, I've been thinking about that story for over an year now!  
**

**Stormy weather; crap. I hate thunders.  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

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"What do you think?" Tom said and smiled "It's nice, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is" Vicky said, but it wasn't convincing at all. It was a nice apartment, but it was nothing compared to Tom's house, which was huge, gorgeous and... Huge. It was about ten times smaller than their house, but it certainly had a nice view at least. The furnitures, which weren't many, looked good though not brand new. The walls needed to be painted again and there was a little bit of dust here and there.

Vicky seemed distant and Tom was obviously trying to make her as happy as he could, like he always did... That was bad thing about Tom. You may wonder what the hell I'm talking about, how could _caring_ about people be a bad thing? It's not a bad thing... Not until you stop caring about _yourself_, not when you try to please_ everyone_. When you get to that point, you'll screw up somehow, you can not_ ever_ please _everybody_** [a/n: that's a life experience, you'll always have to mess up with somebody and it won't be nice]**.

He put his arms around her and kissed his check; he loved her so much. Any idiot would know it by only watching him for a moment, the way he looked at her, the way he always noticed everything he did... I'd never been as good as he was when it came to love, though my love was pure and I did the best I could... I was kind of that lover that usually messes up with some stupid joke, you know? But that didn't know I wasn't good deep inside, I loved Cecilia and I was honest, I did the best I could to let her know I loved her... I guess it wasn't enough.

"We'll be happy here, baby" he whispered into her ear.

"I'll be happy anywhere it you are there with me" she said.

"Then why aren't you as happy as you always are?"

"I'm just... Worried"

"About what?"

"About what Danny is doing to all of you"

"We've talked about this..."

"No, we haven't, because everytime I say something about him, you somehow do your best to change the subject of the conversation"

"What do you expect, he's my bestfriend"

"He's your bestfriend, but are you _his_ bestfriend? He's not behaving like one"

"He's still dealing with everything that happened"

"It's been about a month... And you very well know he does not need painkillers anymore, he's becoming addicted"

"He said his head hurts"

"Oh, and you believe that bullshit?"

"I do, he's my friend, I'm supposed to believe in him"

"Why don't you believe a little bit more in me? Or at least in what's real. Tom, you are too good, he can easily lie to you"

"We won't, we wouldn't, Vicky... How come we talk about Danny so often lately? We should talk about... A lot of different things"

"We talk about Danny since he's the one controlling your life as he doesn't have a one of his own"

"That's just cruel"

"I rather be cruel than stupid"

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"Oh, come on, that's not fair, that's not what I said"

Tom rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall.

"You know what? If you don't like the apartment, then go find an _extremely_ important job and _you _pay for our house"

Vicky sighed and grabbed Tom's hand. They looked at each other for a moment as they both calmed down.

"I'm sorry" she whispered "I like it here"

"We don't have to move here if you don't want, baby"

"No, you are right, sooner or later we may need the money and I can't pay for that house on my own"

"I'll find a job... I promise you we are going to own that house again"

Vicky nodded and rested her head on her shoulder. He took her hand tightly, as if it was the last thing he would ever do, as if she would know he loved her just by doing that, and she did, she knew, everybody knew. I could feel tears in my eyes, jealousy burning inside me, about to drive me mad; I remembered when I used to be the one in his shoes and Cecilia on Vicky's place, I would hold her close to me, as if there was no tomorrow. I missed that, but forgiveness was not something I could accept this time, it was too hard, she'd hurt me too deeply, somewhere in my heart, a place that could not be healed.

"That same love you lost..." Joanna said, her voice sounded distant, almost like a voice in the air, like a ghost "You are ruining theirs"

I sighed "They are still together"

"Things will get complicated little by little... Or not so little"

"Alright, I get the point of all this... Can we go back now?"

"No, you don't, you still are as stupid as before. There's even the possibility that you will never change"

"I don't want them to fight anymore"

"Wish harder"


	10. The Show Must Go On

**Paris Hilton on Supernatural... What the hell-? She kicked Dean's ass, and let me tell you that's the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.**

**I love songs that are funny and easy to sing, like 'Drive My Car' by The Beatles, that's a fun song to sing :D And songs with the piano on them just drive me crazy, I loooooove them!  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

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I saw him putting another of those pills in his mouth and swallowed it with pleasure. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Danny, well, _me_, actually _us_, was looking as tired as usual and kind of sick, our usual friendly spirit seemed long dead by now, he was a whole different person from me. Tom opened the door and kind of forced a smile.

"Hi, dude" he said "Come in"

Danny looked all around Tom's new apartment until he laid eyes on Vicky.

"Hi, Vic" he said, his voice kind of tired too.

She looked up at him and forced an extremely fake smile, then stood up from her place in the sofa and told Tom she was going out for a walk. Danny stared at her as she left and then turned to face Tom with a very annoyed face.

"She hates me" he said.

"No, she doesn't _hate_ you" Tom said, though I very well knew she did "She's just... A bit upset about everything"

"Don't try to fool me, she hates me"

"Alright, yes, she hates you, but just a little bit"

"You should talk about it with her, she can not treat your friends like that"

"I know, she only treats _you_ like that"

"Oh, and you are not going to do anything about it?"

"Danny, please let's not talk about my girlfriend"

"Why not?"

"Because you get crazy everytime we talk about women"

Danny rolled his eyes and put his feet over the little table after sitting on the sofa. Tom looked at his feet for a moment and I remembered how he hated when anyone put their dirty shoes over any of his tables, but he said nothing at all and Danny, who should know this and shouldn't be doing that, didn't notice his gaze at all.

"So what did you want to tell me?"

"I was bored and thought I could come here for a while"

"Well, actually Vicky and I were... Kind of _busy_"

"Doing _what_ exactly? She was just sitting in the couch... As usual"

"That's not fair, Danny"

"I mean, is she ever going to get a job?"

"I don't have one either"

"Yes, but both you and I have all the money we've earned for years with McFLY. She's using you, dude, she's done nothing in years"

"Please, cut it out, Danny, I don't want to hear that crap, alright? Jeez, you can be really annoying sometimes"

Danny let out a small smile and crossed his arms over his chest "So what were you too doing?"

"Well, we weren't doing anything yet... The thing is, we want to have a baby"

Danny said nothing at all, I even thought he'd stopped breathing, though his face was expressionless. A small giggle escaped my lips when I imagined myself playing with a little Tom. I liked kids, I'd always thought I would have my own family, with my children and a pretty wife, but that dream seemed to stupid now, love seemed so pointless.

"_What?_" Danny said.

"What?" Tom said confused.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Huh?" Tom raced an eyebrow confused "I want a family with Vicky"

"But you would ruin my plan!"

"What plan?"

"We are going to hit the road, dude! I've been thinking about it and the best way to let everybody know that the two of us are back in business, is to travel and prove them how great we can be! We'll take my car, out guitars, some money and just go"

"Oh, I think that's great, though you are forgetting about something; I've got a girlfriend"

"Well, how are you going to raise a baby if you have no money?"

"How are we going to hit the road if we have no songs?"

"We'll think about something! Oh, come on, dude, we'll have fun!"

"It's not all about fun, Danny. Vicky needs me here"

"Well, I need you too... Come on, we'll be stars again, you'll have money to go back to your pretty house and raise your pretty babies. You know you need this"

Tom ran his fingers through his hair and I watched him impatiently; Joanna was showing me how much preassure Tom was carrying lately, both Vicky and I wanted him to do different things, and Tom was just so easy to manipulate by both of us. We were messing with his way-too-friendly brain.

"Say no" I found myself saying that a couple of times, that idea just gave me a bad feeling.

"But you promise me that if I want to come back, you won't do anything about it?" Tom finally said and Danny smiled.

"I promise"

"And you promise to behave? No strip clubs or anything like that, we'll play in decent places"

"Alright, I promise"

Tom sighed "I'll talk to Vicky about it"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know she made your choices"

"She doesn't" Tom seemed quite annoyed now and I really understood him, that guy who looked so alike to me, was so different to me in the inside, he seemed arrogant and selfish, he either didn't notice what his words meant to Tom or just simply didn't care.

"Then let's hit the road! We'll prepare some songs and then leave, alright?"

"For how long?"

"For as long as it takes us to be back in the game"

"Alright... Now go, I want to talk to my girlfriend"

"Thanks, Tom, you are the best friend someone can ever have" Danny smiled at him and Tom smiled back, though his smile wasn't the one I was so use to, it wasn't filled with happyness, there was something wrong with Tom.

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest" Joanna said.

I turned around to look at her, I sometimes even forgot about her, I would forget that Death itself was stading behind me.

"You are so sweet" I said ironicly "Will you tell me how this all ends?"

"Your life?"

"I don't know if I care that much about mine... But what about Tom's life?..."

"Oh, you'll see" she smiled "You'll see it all"

"When will you and all this stop?"

"When you die. Well, not _you_, him actually"

"I wouldn't mind seeing myself dead"

"I wouldn't either" she smiled again. Damn, she was annoying.

I sighed "Let's go on"


	11. Good Days

**Does anyone know 'Love You Much Better' by Sara Barailles? That girl sings so damn well!  
**

**Enjoy and review!**

**P.S.: Remember I'm having loads of exams, I've got less than 2 months left until holidays so teachers are kicking our butts while they still can... That's reason why I can not update every single day. I'm doing my best here, people, I swear!**

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Dougie grabbed his books as he looked down at the foor and kind of ran outside the classroom as soon as the bell rang. He was embarrased, his cheeks were as red as a tomato and people kept staring at him all the time. I followed him through the hallways until he finally stopped running when he reached the boys' bathroom. He leaned against the wall and took a big breath. He looked at himself in the mirror for several moments, his cheeks still red and his eyes showed the sorrow he was carrying inside.

"You are not supposed to be here" I told Joanna "This is the men's bathroom"

"Ok, I can leave if you want, and you'll be stuck in here forever"

"You could just say no" I rolled my eyes and leaned against the wall as I stared at Dougie.

"I'm patethic!" he shouted, completely frustrated, and threw his books to the floor angrily.

"At least you look good in your uniform" I said, trying to confort him, but he could not listen to me anyway.

The door flew open and three tall and big guys came in smiling. There was something evil about the way they were looking at Dougie, who was staring back at them, and somehow I instantaneously knew they were bullies.

"Oh, Dougie, get out of there" I whispered as I stood straight, as if I could do somehting about this.

"Hi there" one of them said, his tone quite arrogant in a way. Both his eyes and hair were dark, and so was his skin, his muscles seemed strong and I knew by all that that Dougie was in trouble. Those guys had to be from the rugby team of the school... Dougie's luck is just unbelievable.

"Hello" Dougie simply said.

"You are that guy from McFLY, arent you?"

"I _was_, yes"

"How does it feel to be in such a stupid boyband?" the three of them laughed but Dougie just rolled his eyes.

"It feel terribly awful to earn so much money" he said ironicly, then smiled.

"You so shouldn't have done that" I said.

Dougie knelt down on the floor to pick up his books and the tallest one took advantage of that and pushed Doug against the floor. I watched nervously as he picked him up by his shirt and then pushed Doug against the wall. Yes, Dougie was older, about three years older, but he was phisically smaller and weaker, and he'd never been much of a fighter either anyway.

"Don't try to be smart with us" the one who was holding him said "You may be older but you are tiny next to us"

"Aren't you a bit too old to be a bully?" Dougie said.

"Oh, no, just shut up!" I said.

The big guy punched him in the stomach and Dougie immediately embraced himself in pain. The boy threw him to the floor as if Dougie wasn't actually a person and stared at him for a moment before finally stepping back.

"We'll be watching you, pretty boy" the one with the dark hair said.

I knelt down next to Dougie and he just laid there for some minutes.

"How come those guys aren't visit by you?" I asked Joanna "I've never been a bully"

"Oh, they will have their turn, don't worry"

"I can't believe this" Dougie said outloud when the other guys were gone "I'm being bullied at the aged of 21"

"You'll have to learn to shut your mouth" I said.

"Damn you, Danny Jones" he whispered.

The environment changed again and I tried not paying too much attention to the nauseas, I was actually kind of getting used to it.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" a nice girl with very few clothes asked Harry, who was just laying by her side on his bed.

He sighed "I don't know, I'll give you a call if I feel like it... Now please go, I'm expecting someone"

"Another girl?"

"No, a _real_ friend... Maybe the damn _only_ one I have"

"Well, maybe if you changed that attitude you would have more friends" the girl said as she stood up.

"You get paid for sex, what the hell would you know?"

She looked at him for a moment, rolled her eyes and left the room angry as a diva would after being told she can't sing well.

Harry put some jeans on and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth as he hid an empty bottle of vodka under the bed. Oh, damn, lying to Dougie... That is far not cool, that was hitting bottom and I just guessed Harry could go deeper and deeper, he was digging his own way depper into the hole that would lead him to where I was now; a visit to hell itself.

He opened the door and smiled as nicely as he could to Dougie, but his friend's face was just the same one I'd seen in the school's bathroom; angry and frustrated.

"Bad at school, kiddo?"

"Let's just say I can remember now why I didn't miss school when I left"

"That bad?"

"Yes, that bad. And you know what else is wrong? That I've just seen _another_ hooker leaving your house"

"You've forbidden me alcohol, not pretty ladies"

Dougie rolled his eyes and then laid down on Harry's couch.

"I could die right now and I wouldn't care less"

"Ok, you've gone from kind of skater to emo, huge change, dude. Listen, your life still has a chance of getting better. Mine is already too fucked up. There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them, but you'll get over it, little emo"

"What if I don't get good days anymore?"

"I'll give you my hookers phone-numbers"

They both laughed quietly, but somehow there was absolutely nothing about the situation or the fact that Harry's house was in complete darkness and it would remain like that forever, such as his soul and mind. He was right, he was already too fucked up, but Dougie still had a chance and I was holding on to the thought and hope that he would get over this, I wanted to see that someone would get better even after what I'd caused, I couldn't be that bad, could I? Could my friends really get so screwed up just because of me?

There had to be more good days, I wasn't goign to give up to that small piece of hope inside me.


	12. That's What I Do

**Do you guys know the song 'Runaway Train' by Busted? So cute! And kind of sad also.**

**Thanks for being patient, school is kicking my butt, specially this week and I see more coming soon. Dammit. I didn't do too well at today's math exam :/ I hope I did better than I think I did.**

**Enjoy and review. I'm glad you guys are liking it!**

**Short chapter, sorry, Ethics' horribly long project for tomorrow is waiting for me! :( Wish me luck, I'll need some of that!  
**

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"Do we have to watch this?" I said as I turned to face Joanna "I mean, sex is the most fun you can have without laughing, but not when you are secretly watching your bestfriend doing it"

She laughed "Just watch, will you?"

I rolled my eyes and turned away, ready to put my hands over my eyes. They were just sitting in the couch, kissing, but I could see something more energetic coming sooner and I certainly did not want to remember that later. To my good luck and for my mind's sake, Tom suddenly stopped kissing Vicky.

"Is something wrong, baby?" she asked.

"No, I just... Wanted to talk to you. It's something that has been in my mind for a few days and I wanted to talk to you about it"

"Now?" she smiled "Can't you wait a little bit more, honey?"

"No, it's important, my love"

She sighed and sat straight, patiently looking at him as she smiled with sweetness. They were so in love that it was actually kind of annoying to see it. Yeah, it's cute to have that feeling inside, but come on guys, I know you don't know I'm here, but give it a rest! Tom gently put a lock of her hair behind her hair and I could perfectly understand he knew she wouldn't like what he was going to say, he had picked this moment because he knew she would be in a good mood.

"Danny came the other, remember? Well, we are kind of in a band now together, we just play out guitars and he was thinking that the best way we could get people to know us to travel for a while" he talked so fast that I almost didn't even understand what he was saying and Vicky just stared at him for some minutes, probably thinking about what he'd just said.

"You are leaving?" she said.

"Don't say '_leaving_'... It's as if I was on a tour with McFLY"

"But you won't, you'll be just with Danny"

"Yeah, I know..."

"How long will you be gone?"

"About a month"

"A month?" Vicky bit her lip and looked down. Tom waited patiently until she finally looked up at him "What if I said no?"

"No what?"

"No, I do not want you to go"

"It's my job"

"No, it's not a job, Tom, you don't get pay for doing it. We didn't sell our house so you and Danny could go on a silly journey"

"Normal bands do this, I got lucky with McFLY and so I didn't have to do it, but if we want things to work out, then we'll have to do this"

"Can't you find another work?"

"I don't want another job, I want my music"

"You could teach music"

"What about _you_? Why don't _you_ get a job?"

"We are talking about you, not me, and you know I _am_ looking for one"

Tom sighed "Sorry, I know... Look, Vic, please support me on this one, Danny needs this"

"See? I knew this was about Danny! He convinced you to do this, didn't he? It does not matter what I think, it's all about Danny!"

"No, it's not, you are my darling, my girlfriend"

"Then stay with _me. Here_. In _our_ apartment."

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him straight into his eyes; she was mad and you bet you don't wanna ever make her mad.

"I want to stay, but I need to go. If everything goes alright, then some music producer will like us and then I'll be able to buy our house again"

"And what if that doesn't happen? What if you don't succeed? Then you would have waisted one month away and a lot of money, and all because of Danny's whims!"

"At least I've got to try. Baby, please, support me. You always have, do it now too please"

"Go if you want to and I will be waiting for you right here, because that's what I always do, Tom... But do not ask me to support Danny's whim, do not ask me to be pleased to see you go for nothing"


	13. Let The Flames Begin

**Sorry guys, I've been sooo busy! I had an exam yesterday and another today and my sister that's married in Egypt has come to visit us, so well, I think I made my point :D But I'm back!**

**The tittle of the chapter is from a Paramore song, which I like a lot.  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

**P.S.: I love "Glee"!!!!! That show rooooooocks!!!!!  
**

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The place didn't smell too good and it was tiny, I wouldn't like to be in that bar on my own at night, though probably no one would mess up with me when a girl with a dark cloak and a killing look is right there behind me all the damn time, I wouldn't mess with myself. I'm telling you, the sexy blondie is damn scary. I saw Tom and myself sitting in a corner with out guitars on our laps and two small bottles of beer in front of us. I walked closer to them and leaned against the wall as I stared at them, because they were saying nothing at all. Tom was looking down at his cellphone, checking his messages, probably expecting to see a new one from Vicky, but there were no new messages for him, and Danny was just drinking his beer quietly.

Tom looked up at him and took a big breath before talking "Well, I... I saw all this going differently in my mind, you know?"

"It seemed like a good idea when I first thought about it in my apartment" Danny said. He put his hand on his jacket's pocket and then put two pills in his mouth. Tom stared at his hand every single moment but said nothing at all "Don't worry, we'll be better next time"

"Next time?" Tom said "We've been travelling for 34 days, you said we were coming home"

"We are. London is about one day away from here if we drive the whole day tomorrow"

"Then what do you mean by '_the next time_'?"

"Well, obviously we'll have to do this again"

"_Again_? Vicky's gonna kick my butt"

"Dude, you are not married to her, you _still_ have a life, live it while you can. I don't know why you bought that silly engagement ring"

"What?" I said "Tom's getting married?"

"I think this is the right time" Tom said "I want to marry her, make her my wife. I'm going to ask her as soon as I get home. She's the one"

Danny rolled his eyes "If you say so... You know that, in my opinion, love is like life; it finishes sooner or later"

"But you have to live anyway, so I choose love"

"Love is too difficult to handle; music and sex are easier"

"I'll pay for each day in which you do not think anything related to sex"

"If that was a job, then I'd be poor."

"Come on, let's go home, Vicky must be waiting for me"

The environment changed and I didn't almost feel nauseas at all, which was a bad sign, I was getting use to this and I did not like that at all. We were back in Tom's quiet aparment and Vicky pointed to a door at the end of a little hallway.

"Do I have to walk through it? It still gives me nauseas" I said.

"I've done this for centuries, stop complaining about everything"

I rolled my eyes and walked through the door as I grabbed my estomach and Joanna followed me silently, always like a ghost. Well, probable that _is_ what she was.

Vicky was sitting over the bed, quietly staring at something on her fist. I walked closer to see what it wsa and there it was; a pregnancy test. I didn't know what to think or even feel; in different circumstances, I would have felt excited, kids are hilarious and I would enjoy being 'cool uncle Jones' because I would force any of my bandmates' kids to call me that way if I had to... But under this circumstances, the other Danny was different from me, though I would probably become him soon. He kind of wanted Tom for his own, I wasn't too sure that he could be a good uncle to this child and not cool at all for sure.

I walked a bit closer too the positive mark on one of the pregnancy test's side.

"She's pregnant" I whispered.

"Yes, Sherlock" Joanna said, then turned to the door "Pay attention... Tom is coming in three... Two... One"

I heard the door opening in the other room and Vicky immediately hid the pregnancy test in her bag, then ran smiling out of the room. Tom saw her and smiled too as he held her tightly, as close to him as possible. They softly kissed and stayed like that for quite some time. I was waiting for nauseas and a change in the environment, but Joanna wanted to me to see something else and I couldn't stop thinking about what Tom had said, that he would ask her to marry him as soon as he came back.

"How have you been, my love? I've missed you _so_ much" Tom said softly, every word he said was full of deep and honest love"

"I've missed you too, I'm so glad you are back... So how was the trip?"

"We had no luck unfortunately"

"That's a shame, honey"

"Yes, it is, but Danny think we'll do better next time"

Vicky stared at him, confused, annoyance slowing changing her happy face. She slightly pulled him away so they were face to face, then crossed her arms over her chest.

"_Next time?_" she said "I didn't know there was going to be a _next_ time, Tom"

"If we want to succeed, then we'll have to work harder, we will have to travel a bit more"

"Travel? How often? For how _long_? I can't sit here and wait for you on my own for months"

"Oh, come on, sweetheart, I'll be a star again and everything will go back to normal"

"Is this about your _fame_?"

"_No_, of course not"

"Then _stay_! We'll find regular jobs and live a normal life _together_, I don't like waiting for you like this."

"Vic, I've got to do this"

"Then you'll have to do it without me"

"_What?_" Tom's face changed drastically, he seemed sadder than I'd ever seen him in my whole life "What do you mean without you?"

"It means I'm leaving"

She turned away but Tom quickly put his arms around her.

"Vicky, wait! You can't do this to me, please _don't_ do this to me! I love you! I was going to ask you to marry me" Tom took a little box from his jacket's pocket and she burst out in tears when she saw it.

"Marry you? How could I marry you if you spend more time with your friend than with _me_? I love you too, Tom, I _do_! But I can _not_ put up with all this anymore, I can't stand it. We fights so much lately and we barely spend time together without having a discussion! I'm not happy anymore, Tom, not like this"

"But I _need_ you in my life"

"No, you don't. You'll be alright; you've got your good friend Danny. Now please, just _please_, let me go"

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**I've got 23 developed ideas for future stories. Yeah, 23! -though 2 of them are for Twilight, so it's actually 21-... I think I'm going to let you guys decide between the ones I like the most cause I have no idea which one to write first. What do you think about that?  
**


	14. Don't Talk To Me About Love

**I know, I know, I'm late again! There's so much going on lately and I just don't find time to sit and write something... And I rather write nothing at all than write some crappy stuff in five minutes, you guys don't deserve that.  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

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**Dougie was sitting alone in a corner of the stage, he seemed to be in the school auditorium **[a/n: is that how you guys call it?]** and everything was in complete silence. He was quietly eating some sandwiches as he stared into nothingness. I walked down the stares until I reached him and just sat next to him as Joanna stared at me from the opposite corner of the huge room.

A girl came from behind the stage, she looked pretty cute, with some curls and a shy look on her face, jearing some dark jeans and a Blink 182 shirt, just the type of girls Dougie likes; if you like Blink 182, he's ready to marry you. Dougie looked up at her and she smiled at him; oh yeah, I know that face, she liked him.

"Hi" she said.

"Hello" Dougie said.

"Can I sit here?"

"Yes, sure..."

She didn't stop smiling at him, not even for a single moment, and I understood she didn't _just _like him; she was his fan. She had been given the perfect chance ever, the greatest gift; the one person she would die to meet was attending to her school. Isn't that what every teenager dreams about? And here he was, lonely in the shadows, practically waiting for a friend.

"Why are you eating here all alone?" she asked him.

"Because I'll get beat up if those asshole from the rugby team see me and because I'm 21 and couldn't be more embarrassed to be here" Dougie said, his hate towards them was almost tangible "Why are you _here_?"

"Well, I..." she blushed "I was kind of looking for you"

"For me? Why? You are not going to beat me up, are you?" Dougie suddenly looked a bit afraid, but she simply laughed.

"No, I'm not going to do anything to you... I'm a fan of McFLY"

"Oh... You mean you _were_"

"No, I _am_; once a fan, _always_ a fan"

"So do you want an autograph or something?"

"Well, I was hoping I could stay here with you... It's not like you have a lot to do, huh?"

"Yeah..." he sighed "Well, I could use a friend here"

"I'm Eileen"

"I'm Dougie"

"Yeah, I know, remember?"

They laughed and I rolled my eyes; love. Or at the least the beginning.

"Well, at least I got Dougie a girlfriend" I said as I looked at Joanna.

"Yeah, we'll see about that" she said.

"Did you hear about Tom?" Eileen said.

"I haven't seen him in a couple of months I think..." Dougie said, then looked a bit worried "Why? Did something bad happen to him?"

"Well... Kind of... The rumors say he proposed to his girlfriend and she dumped him"

Dougie laughed and that worried look disappeared in a second "No way, that is so not true. They have been together since like they were 13-"

"14 actually" Eileen said immediately and Dougie just stared at him.

"Don't do that, it's creepy"

"Sorry"

"What I saying is that they have been together since like forever and forever their relationship will last"

"No, she dumped him, that's for certain"

Dougie stared at her for a moment then look down and bit his sandwich.

"Oh... Are you 100% sure?"

"Yes... It's sad, isn't it?"

"_Really_ sad. He must be so broken" Dougie took a big breath "Maybe Danny was right; love sucks"

"No, it doesn't" she said immediately, then blushed "I mean... There's got to be someone out there that belongs with us, right?"

The environment changed again and I saw Dougie opening the door of Harry's house, apparently he now had a key of his own. He was smiling, which was a good change.

"It won't last long" Joanna say.

"Please stay out of my mind... I'll think about porn if you dont"

She rolled her eyes and I just ignored her as I watched Dougie going up to Harry's bedroom. He was, as usual, just laying on his bed, with the windows all closed.

"Hey, you, time to get up" Dougie said and opened the windows.

Harry simply opened an eye and stared at him suspiciously, then with a deep and sleepy voice said "Why do you have that stupid face?"

"It's called smiling, you should try it"

"And why are you doing that?"

"Because I met a girl"

"A girl? Where?"

"At school... She was a fan of McFLY, she's funny and quite pretty"

"And you'll go to jail if you touch a single lock of her hair"

Dougie stopped moving and thought about that for a moment "Oh, bite me... Did you hear about Tom?"

"Tom? What happened to him?"

"Vicky dumped him"

"No way in hell"

"I thought the same... Do you think we should visit him? Maybe we could cheer him up"

"I don't know, Dougie... It's been months since we last saw him and things are complicated between all of us. I don't think he needs any more drama"

Dougie sat on the edge of the bad and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I like this girl... She's the only one that makes me feel comfortable in that damn school, the rest want to kick my ass or thouch my body all the time"

Harry rolled his eyes "And that is just so tragic"

"Oh, shut up, I feel raped... What I was trying to say is that I like her but I don't _want_ to like her. Everytime someone I know falls in love, they get their hearts broken... Tom, Danny, my own mother, all of them! I don't want that too. I don't think I want anything to do with love"


	15. Lost Spark

**I recommend you to read 'I Blame The Manager', I love that story!**

**I'm scared, I have so many exams coming soon... Dammit!**

**Enjoy and review. You guys are getting lazy with the reviews... Except for mcsteph94 and Holly360. Thanks girls :)**

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"We are just passing by" Joanna said as Ilooked around a dirty and dark room I didn't recognize. For what I could guess, it looked like a hotel room. To was laying on a small bed over the covers, just staring to the ceiling, expressionless "You thought that now that Vicky was out of your way, you could go on travelling with Tom and try to get back your sweet fame. You very easily convinced him that this would be the easiest away way to get distracted."

I got closer to him and examined his face for a while; his eyes were wide opened and he was breathing really slowly. He looked as if he was about to die or faint.

"Is he alright?" I asked her as I kept staring at his face.

"_Physically_, yes" she answered coldly "But let's not talk about his mind, shall we? I wouldn't want you to feel guilty"

"I dislike you with _great_ intensity" I simply said, but she just laughed.

"Let's go on"

In just some seconds I recognized Dougie's school and saw him eating on his own again on the stage. His Ipod was laying next to him, he was listening to New Found Glory, something he usually listened to when he wasn't in a good mood. Eileen came running from the opposite part of the room and climbed up the stage, always smiling at him.

"New Found Glory, right? Cool band" she said.

"Don you have friends?" Dougie asked.

Eileen's smile disappeared and she hesitated before answering "Sorry, do I bother you?"

"No, I was just asking" Dougie said, honesty in his voice. If I have learned something about Dougie in all these years that I've known him, is that he's harmless. If he doesn't like someone, he will just stay away from their way but he would never be rude with anyone "I mean, you are _here_, why aren't you eating with the rest?"

"I'm kind of a weirdo... Or so people say"

"Oh, you surely are a weirdo"

She blushed and said nothing at all. Dougie looked up at her and blushed too, but his embarrased was different from hers; she was sad, he felt guilty about it.

"But that's a good thing" he added quickly "You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

"Robin Williams said that, didn't he?" she said.

"Yes, he did, I thought I was the only one who remembered that"

They smiled at each other and I couldn't help feeling annoyance; I wanted that too, I wanted it _back_, the love that had been stolen from me, my life, my future, the family I had imagined, everything... I wanted it back... And now _he_ had it. But I couldn't really blame him or think anything bad against Dougie, I'd never had and I don't think I would ever be able to be mad at him. He had not found that true love that drives you insane during the long nights, leaving you with nothing but the strong desire of holding close the one you love so dearly, and he deserved it, he was a good guy, he just hadn't had time to find the right one. Maybe after all, at least one person would turn out to be happy in this future, at least I could let Dougie find his true love. That couldn't be too bad, right?

"So I was thinking... Maybe you and I could go out some time..." she said shyly, but not without smiling at him. She did that a lot, didn't her face hurt? "You know, we could just watch a movie... If you want..."

"Yeah, well, I... I don't know, Eileen..." Dougie said and looked down "I mean, you are great, seriously, but I'm 21 and I shouldn't get involve with you... I mean, you are what, about 15?"

"16... And I won't say a word about it, I promise. You are the coolest person I've known and I would love it if we could be friends"

"Are you sure is that all you want?" Dougie raced an eyebrow and I could tell he was holding back a smile as he saw her blushing.

"I just want to be with you... Whatever we are"

"Do you seriously promise me you won't tell anyone?"

"I do, I swear... You can come to my house and we'll watch some movies and eat pizza"

Dougie sighed "That's exactly what I used to do with my bandmates... I miss them"

"We can do something else if you want"

"No, that's fine..." he smiled at her, but I could see he wasn't 100% ok "I'll be there, I promise"

Then the environment changed and I watched Dougie as he entered Harry's house with a big smile on his face.

"Does he live there now or what?" I said.

His smile faded when he saw Harry sitting in the couch, holding a bottle of vodka in his hand. Dougie's face changed immediately as anger exploded inside him.

"How dare you? You promised me you wouldn't drink anymore, Harry! You _promised_!" he shouted furiously.

"Cut it off, littlte boy, I do not need you to tell me what to do" Harry said, but his voice wasn't angry, it was tired.

"How long have you been drinking behind my back?"

"Since always, Dougie, since _always_!"

Doug hesitated, then took the bottle from his hand in a second and threw it to the floor angrily. Harry didn't even move, he didn't react, he didn't even got angry. Instead, he sighed and took a long piece of paper that was laying on the floor, then passed it to Dougie without saying a word. Dougie read in silence and his face changed again, horrified. He looked up and tried to speak, but he couldn't find enough air to do that.

"What is it?" I asked impatiently.

I could see the tears approaching Dougie's eyes and he took a big breath before talking.

"You have AIDS?" he whispered.

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**Now go to 'review story/chapter', come on, don't be lazy!**


	16. I Am Here

**So I know I'm not updating as regulary as before but here's a fact you should know; I have a kick-ass Literature exam tomorrow and I don't literally know a thing about it and yet I'm here updating! So yeah, just that.  
**

**Enjoy and review... I deserve it! :D  
**

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_I could see the tears approaching Dougie's eyes and he took a big breath before talking._

_"You have AIDS?" he whispered._

Harry simply nodded and ran his fingers through his messy hair. Dougie sat down in front of him, probably unconsciously.

"But... Dougie moved his mouth several times, but nothing came out of it, and when he spoke, he kept mumbling over and over again "How? Why? When did you find out? Who was it that had it? How long have you known?"

"I found out this morning" Harry explained "A girl.. You know, one of my so many partners, asked me if I had any recent exam and she wouldn't even touch me until I went to the hospital to get checked... There was something about her, I desired her, so I did the silly test... I never thought it could turn out possitive."

They kept silence for several moments, which was extremely uncomfortable. I could feel this hot thing inside my chest, I did now know what it was. I hated Harry, forgiving him wasn't on my list of things to do, but I did now want this for him, he'd been my friend for many years.

"I don't know who passed it on to me, but I'm 100% sure it was one of the... Well, prostitutes **[a/n: for some reason, I hated writing that word]**"

"You can survive this"

"I have no intentions to keep on living to be honest. I don't mind dying now!

"Harry, please don't say that. I'l pay for all the treatments you need, I will, I _promise_"

"Dougie, I will kepp on living just like I do _now_, I don't want any kinds of treatments or pills"

"Please, Harry, you are my bestfriend, I don't want you to die"

"I will some day anyway. The sooner, the better"

Dougie put his hands over his face for a moment, then sobbed loudly behind them. He looked up at Harry, silently begging to come back to his senses again.

"All I ask you to do" Harry said "is to be my friend until the end"

"I will, of course I will but... When is that going to be?"

"I don't know... I don't want to know either. That fact that I don't mind dying doesn't mean I want to know when it's going to happen" Harry sighed and laid his head on the couch "How did we get this way?"

I was surprised when the environment suddenly changed and I saw Dougie waiting in front of a door, under the rain, sobbing loudly. Eileen opened the door smiling but her smile soon disappeared. She moved from the door and kind of dragged him inside.

"Dougie, what's wrong? Are you alright?" she said and ran to get two big towels, then put them over him.

"I just couldn't go back home right now" Dougie said "I needed a friend and... Well, I thought of you. Can I stay here for a while?"

"Of course you can. My mum's coming late from work today and anyway I don't think she would mind"

The sat in the a couch, next to the fireplace, and Eileen just waited patiently until Dougie calmed down a bit. She reached out and took his hand, then smiled at him in a sweet way.

"Are you better now, Dougie?"

He simply moved his head from right to left, as he stared into nothingness, his eyes and face red for crying.

"Do you want to talk about whatever happened to you" she whispered.

"Nothing happened to _me_" he said "It's Harry"

"Did you have a fight with him? You're not hurt, are you?"

"No, I'm not, and we didn't fight" he looked down, I could see the new tears forming in his eyes again, I hated seeing him like that, he was my friend "Harry's dying"

Eileen stared at him for several minutes in silence, I couldn't really know what she was thinking and I didn't know her good enough to guess. She put her amrs around him and kissed his cheek.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know" he said as he sobbed again "I wish I didn't have to! Eileen, I'm going to miss him so much, he's my bestfriend"

She pulled him even closer and caresses his wet hair.

"Isn't there anything the doctors can do?"

"He doesn't want to be treated, he's given up on life"

"But what's wrong with him?"

"He's got AIDS"

She bit her lips and didn't stop caressing his hair, trying to comfort him, but nothing could do this any easier or less painfull.

"Maybe _I_ should give up too" he mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"Life sucks!" he said and raced his head to face her "Bad things keep happening to me and the people around me. I'm sick of it! Tom lost the love of his life, Danny ruined our band, Harry's dying, I'm 21 and I'm afraid of some 18 years old bullies, nobody seems lo like me anymore... Not even my father loved me enough to stick around! This inst' living!"

"I know it all seems like crap, but thing will get better. My father left my house too and my mum's never home and I'm, well, pretty much a loser, I'm like a ghost at school, you are my one and only friend... But I've got hope, there's still something out there for me"

"Yeah, well..." Dougie looked down again and sighed "There's nothing for _me_ here"

She grabbed his face on her hands and slowly pulled it up, smiling in a sweet way, like Cecilia used to do with me when I was sad.

"_I_ am here" she said, looking straight into her eyes. Dougie leaned forwards and kissed her softly, then in just a second the kissed turned more passionately, too much for us to ser.

"Time to go" Joanna said.


	17. Deep Inside

**Today's exam sucked. And you know what's even worse? We had to hand in some random project and we kind of had to write a story and then choose photographs for the story too... And my story was the first one the teacher saw and right after she finished reading it, she passed it on to all of my classmates... I just wanted to die... I am just so shy with that kind of stuff, I don't usually let anyone read what I want [yeah, except from here, of course]. She's really getting on my nerves.  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

**43 reviews, that's a lot girls, thanks a lot! Don't stop though haha**

* * *

Eileen sat next to Dougie, who was leaning against the wall with a distant look on his face, and stared at him for a moment before talking.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

"I'm fine" he looked up at her and smiled for a second, but the sad look on his face didn't go away "How are _you_?"

"Well, to be honest I'm a bit worried" she said, then blushed "You left so early the other day and I can't help thinking that maybe you regretted what happened between us... Or maybe I did something wrong, something you didn't like"

"No, it's _not _that, Eileen" he said, then hesitated "I just don't think it was _right_, I was being impulsive. I really like you, but I'm 21"

"And I'm ok with that, Dougie"

"I know and I don't care about your age either, but there are laws about these kinds of situations"

"Fuck the law, Dougie. They won't care, it would only really matter if my mum had a problem with it and, believe me, she won't even find out"

The girl had a point there and she may even be right, but Doug was a celebrity and he would carry his fame for at least a couple more of years, until we were absolutely forgotten by the world. There was a chance they may get caught... But life would be too easy -and too _boring_- if we didn't _ever_ take risks, right?

Dougie sighed, convinced. Damn, the boy was weak, he was turning into Tom. Sad. "But we can _not_ tell _anyone_ about... Whatever we are"

"And is that? What _are_ we?"

"Well..." Dougie thought about it for a moment and I perfectly understood what both of them were thinking; she wanted him to say the word girls love; '_girlfriend_', but he wasn't going to say that "You're my girl"

"Your girl?" she repeated and raced an eyebrow.

"I think it's too soon to be anything else"

"Oh" she said and smiled "Ok then, no pressure"

"Thanks" he said and smiled back "You are so great, so different from any other girl"

"I'd do anything for you" she said. Ok,_ that's_ creepy. Way to go, Doug, you chose a crazy fan as your future-new-girlfriend.

"Well... Just dont do that, it's... weird"

"Alright, sorry"

Everything around us changed and we now were in some random part of the city. I looked around me and saw Dougie walking in my direction, Harry on his left side. I started walking next to them, as I listened to their conversation.

"We could have some fun" Harry said.

"No way, hurry, that's dangerous... You are not taking any treatment and you want to go traveling and do dangerous stuff? That's just stupid. What are you trying to do, die faster?"

Harry didn't answer and Dougie just rolled his eyes, furious.

"You are, aren't you?" he said under his breath.

"Well, look around me, Dougie. Nobody gives a shit about me"

"Hello! I do!"

"That makes two of you counting my mum, I feel so touched" he said ironicly "Look, it's my life. I'm inviting you to come with me, I'm going to spend all the money I've got left in this"

"And what are you going to do once that money is over?"

"Die, of course" Dougie didn't answer again, just kept walking without looking at him. Harry sighed and got a bit more serious "Look, I know this must be hard for you, but it's twice as hard for _me_. I'm the one who's dying, at least let me be funny"

"I know... I'm sorry"

"Will you come or not?"

"I don't know dude.... I've got to go to school, remember? And, well... Eileen-"

"The 16 years old girl you talked to me about?"

"Yes"

"You did not do anything with her, did you?"

Dougie looked down and blushed, I laughed and Harry smiled.

"You pervert... I'm not against sex, I'm the living, well kind of dying, prouf of that... But seriously, _that _girl? You could go to prison"

"I know... She's just so... Special, you know? She's one of those girls who would rather be dead than cool"

"She could join me then" Harry smiled "Hey, death have a lot a jokes, you know?"

"See? That's been positive" Joanna said and I jumped scared, I'd totally forgotten about her "You seem to be so dramatic about it"

"Oh, shut up" I said and rolled my eyes.

"Yes, you are right, death's no joke... And believe me, Harry may be laughing about it, but it's just so Dougie won't feel so bad... Deep inside him, he's dying of fear... And guess who's fault this all is"


	18. Again

**I don't like the fact that I don't like most of New Moon's original soundtrack. Damn it. At least I like the one from Muse, 'I Belong To You'. Both the remix for the movie and the real song are very cool, check them out.  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

**Long chapter! Written specially for my dear friend Cecilia ;)  
**

* * *

I stared at Danny from the opposite side of the dark room. He was just laying on his bed, moving a little plastic box in which he kept his pills. He'd put three of them just some minutes ago, every time I saw myself he added one more pill. I knew Joanna was just showing me how bad I looked, we weren't going to stay here for too long, but I sat down on the floor and rested my hair against the wall for a while. This weird 'time-travelling' thing was started to make me feel exhausted.

"What's going to happen to me?" I asked Joanna, who was hiding in the shadows, staring at me silently in a very creepy way, but I was kind of used to her silence and her emotionless eyes.

"You'll see" she said.

"Just tell me, will you?"

"Are you already tired of seeing your friends' lifes?"

"No" I sighed "I just... I hate Harry but... I don't want him to die... I don't hate him _that_ much. I mean, some of the worst mistakes of my life have been _haircuts_, **not** the fact that my ex-bestfriend is dying because of _my _fault in a way..."

She smiled evily, she enoyed this... Well, doing this over and over again couldn't make someone too friendly or happy, right?

"You don't talk much, do you, Joanna?"

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something... By the way, you _always_ talk"

"I understood that"

"You would be _twice_ a fool if you didn't"

I rolled my eyes and stood up. I walked closer to myself; his eyes were lost, he was thinking deeply, his skin was paler than usual. He looked dead in the inside... And that really made sense to me, I understood myself, of course. My heart belonged to Cecillia but she wasn't mine anymore, therefore, I had no heart, no feelings to share, no joy inside, no love, no passion. Also hate.

"Being so skinny doesn't suit you" Joanna said.

"Thanks" I said ironcly "I'll remind myself to eat a bit more when I wake up from this... whatever this is"

Danny looked like a ghost, as if nothing inside him was alive. I wondered if the car accident did some kind of damage to our brain and maybe I lost my sense of humour.

"You didn't" Joanna said. God, I hated when she read my mind "You are just a depressed asshole. Now let's go on, shall we, Danny?"

I didn't even have time to answer when everything around us changed. My heart seemed to skipped a beat when I saw Cecilia sitting in a bench in a park with her arms around herself. She looked so sad and the red eyes were a prouf of that; she'd been crying. Oh, I hated so much to see her cry. Her face moved something inside me; yes, I hated her with great intensity for what she'd done to me, but I also loved her that much, whether I liked it or not, it was feeling I just couldn't control. I got closer to her, as if her body was a magnet and I was some kind of metal, like iron, I couldn't keep myself away from her. She'd been the only one Joanna hadn't forced me to see, this was the first time I saw her and it hurt me deeply. Oh, I loved that girl so much. She was looking as beautiful as she would always be, but her eyes were sad, just as Dougie's, Tom's and Vicky's and everybody I knew.

I sat down next to her, forgetting for one moment that I hated her, forgetting that she could not see me. I wanted to say something but she simply took my breath away, and I didn't know what to say anyway... Should I tell her how much I missed her? Or how much it hurt me to imagine her with Harry everytime I looked at her?

She put her hands over her eyes for a moment, sobbed, and then finally took a big breath.

"Are you alright?" a man said. She looked around and so did I. A guy of my age was looking at her with worried eyes.

"Well, no" Cecilia answered "but it really doesn't matter"

"Why wouldn't it matter?"

"Because I can not complain... It wouldn't be fair"

"Hey, wait, do I know you from somewhere? Your face... I think I remember it from somwhere"

Cecilia burst out in tears "Yes, it's me! I'm the stupid freaking bitch who make McFLY split, alright?"

The guy just looked at her confused while Cecilia put her hands over her face as she cried. It broke my heart. I even wanted to get away from here, just stop looking at her, stop hearing her crying while I was unable to do anything about it. At the same time I felt so confused, I wanted her to be unhappy, as a twisted way to get my revenged, but it killed me to see her cry, I just couldn't take it, I was used to loving her, I couldn't help it. I did, I wanted revenge, but I couldn't control my brain, I never really did and I don't think I was ever going to do that.

"No, I didn't mean _that_" the guy said and knelt down in front of her, looking guilty "Please, don't cry... Cecilia, stop"

She looked at him and examined his face for a moment "How do you know my name?"

"I know your mother... I was in her classes... I saw you one day when you came into the class and asked her for money" he explained.

Cecilia's mother was a teacher... I actually had a friend who went to her classes and that's how I met her... One day, I was waiting for my friend and then she walked pass me, she didn't even look at me, she ignored me completely, she was on her own world, listening to music, smiling and singing... She blew my mind. A couple of weeks later, I was on her mother's class and some months after that, I had her phone number.

I felt suddenly jealous and annoyed, I didn't like the way he was looking at her, with that gentle look on his face.

"Jealous, aren't we?" Joanna laughed from behind me

"Stay out of this" I said fiercely, I really wasn't on the mood for her crap.

"Oh..." Cecilia mumbled "Well, I don't remember you, sorry..."

"That's ok, I didn't think you would anyway... You were always listening to music, singing... You have such a sweet voice"

I knew that look of his face because I used to look at women like that too before I meet Cecilia... She didn't deserve that, she deserved something much better, he was not looking for love. I stood up and tried to punch him, but my fist just flew through him. I was a ghost. _Dammit! _I tried again and I even tried to kick him but nothing worked.

"Get the hell away from her" I said annoyed.

Cecilia smiled, her lips and face full of her own tears.

"Thanks" she said, then sighed sadly "This must be the first time I smiled in months"

"Then I'm pleased it's me who made you smile" they smiled at each other for a moment "I'm Frederick Nash by the way... You can call me Rick if you want to"

"Hi, Rick... Very nice to meet you"

"Now, please, just _please_, don't cry... Or at least give me a chance to change that. Would you like to go and have lunch with me?"

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes deeply sad again.

"If you don't know what her eyes are hiding, I'll tell you what it is" Joanna said "it's love... For your, or course"

"Don't go" I said "Don't go, Cecilia, don't go, don't go..."

"Alright" she said "One lunch won't harm anyone, right?"

I saw her walk away with that _stupid_ Frederick and I just couldn't believe it, she was hurting me for another man again... And this guy wasn't even worth it, he was not good enough for her. Watching her leave was breaking my heart... _Again_.


	19. I Miss You

**I know, I did it again, delay delay delay, sorry guys I'm serious! I've got three reasons why I'm late _again_: (1) school's kicking my butt as you already now, (2) I'm really sick, I'm feeling like crap, I'm already asumed that I'm gonna die young so enjoy my stories while you can, (3) Summer's on its way to my country and it just really makes my body feel so weak, I can not stand this hot weather.  
**

**I'm very ashame to say that I actually think that one of Selena Gomez's songs sounds cool. You may be wondering _why_ and I_ don't_ want to offen anybody but I just hate any Disney crap; Jones Brothers [specially them], Hannah Montana, etc... But 'Fall Down' by this girl really caught my attention, it actually sounds pretty good.**

**Enjoy and review.**

**

* * *

**I looked around me confused; another dark, crowded bar. I desperately tried to find Cecilia, something inside me was dying to watch her every move and to make sure that _Rick_ dude didn't even got close enough to smell her fabulous hair, but she was nowher to be seen. Instead of her, I saw Tom and _myself_ sitting in a table with two drinks in front of them, but Danny was the only one drinking. A waitress stood in front of their table and smiled, then talked in a very sexy way, flirting.

"I loved the song you guys played" she said.

"Thanks you" Danny said.

"Can I offer you anything else?"

"No, thanks" Tom said coldly, he obviously understood what she _really_ meant.

"Let me know if you change your mind" she walked away and when she was far enough, Danny playfully hit Tom in the head.

"Dude, she obviously desires you" he said "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me" Tom said.

"She's hot, go get her tiger"

"Don't mess with me, Danny. I don't want sex with her"

"Why not?" Dan waited but Tom didn't answer. Danny rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest "It's because of Vicky, isn't it? It's been two years, Tom!"

"**_What!?_**" I turned around to face Joanna, completely stunned "We are two years in the future!? What happened with everybody else? Why did you do that?"

"Don't judge my work" Joanna say "Just listen"

"Don't you think I _already_ know tha?" Tom said annoyed.

"Aren't you over Vicky yet?"

"Why don't _you_ sleep with the waitress? Aren't you over Cecilia yet?"

Danny stared at him for a moment, both annoyed with each other, then stood up in a blink.

"Fine. I will" he said.

"I know that you are not over her anyway" Tom said as Danny walked away.

Tom stood up and walked outside the bar. I followed him until three streets later we arrived at an old hotel. The place didn't look like any other hotel we had even been while being on tour, this was amess; everything around us smelled like crap and the environment didn't look too nice either. Tom opened his room's door and then laid down on a kind of small bed. He took a deep breath and took his phone out of his pocket. I knelt down next to him so I could see what he was looking at and saw a photo of Vicky's face. He had his thumb over the call button but he didn't press it.

"Call her, Tom" I whispered, not caring that he couldn't hear me.

"She would hang up the phone if I called her" he whispered to himself, and for a minute I was dumb enough to think he was actually talking to me, but Joanna's evil laugh let me know he didn't.

"If she hangs up you'll call her again!" I insisted.

He closed his eyes and held the phone close to his heart.

"I miss you" he said.

All of a sudden I was in a different bedroom. It was full of toys and colorful drawings, it was obviously a child's room. Vicky came in with a little boy in her arms; Tom's child! He was so tiny and was singing a weird song while his mum laid him down on his bed. His hair was so blond and his face was very similar to Tom's, but his eyes were just like Vicky's. I couldn't believe Tom didn't even know about this kid, it wasn't fair.

"Don't cause mummy any trouble and go to sleep, ok?" she said, her voice full of love for the little boy, but also tired.

"Alright mummy" he said and simled "Can I ask you something before you go?"

"Sure, honey"

"Simon from the kindergarten **[a/n: kids from about 4 to 6 go to the kindergarten and well if you do the math this boy is just a bit older than 2, but whatever, use your imagination]** said I'm a bastard because I don't have a daddy" the little boy said, not even upset. He surely didn't even know what 'bastard' meant "Is that a bad thing, mummy?"

"No, Andrew, it's not a bad thing" Vicky said. I can't believe she chose that name for him! Tom had always wanted his child to be names like that, he'd told me that so many years ago and now he didn't even know that his wish has come true!

"And why don't I have a daddy? All the other kids do"

Vicky hesitated then did her best to smile, though I knew she was far from being happy, but the little boy didn't notice it.

"Because we don't need one, you and I are fine on our own"

"But Simon said every normal family has one"

"Well, in that case we aren't normal, we are _special_, honey"

Andrew didn't seem too convinced, but he kissed his mum's cheek and laid down again without looking at anything but Vicky, he seemed to adored her. She left the room and walked to another room, _her_ room, which was tiny. She laid on her bed and took a deep breath, just as Tom did. After just some seconds her eyes were filled with years. She wiped some tears away with her thumb and then grabbed her phone that was over a little table. She didn the same thing Tom did, just stared at a picture of him.

"Call him!" I said, strongly hoping she would. The two of them still obviously loved each other, just as they had always done, but were too coward to press the damn call button "Just do it"

"He would hate me if he knew the truth..." she whispered.

"It's always better later than never" I said impantiently.

She rolled over the bed and hugged her pillow, ready to sleep.

"I miss you"


	20. Reality Set In

**So I've been recently reading about diseases and, men, there are so many horrible diseases out there! Do you know about the three-man? That's some serious shit! Poor man! See why I don't believe in God? That dude must hate us if he does exist.**

**Enjoy and review please, you girls are getting just as lazy as me.**

* * *

Dougie was leaning against the wall with his hands on his pockets and staring at the floor. The door from Harry's bedroom opened and Doug immediately stood straight. An ld man with a suit and a black suitcase looked at him for a moment, then closed the door behind him.

"How is him?" Dougie asked, his voice tired and quite sad.

"I gave him painkillers, he should be fine with those" the old man told him.

"Did you manage to convice him to go to the hospital?"

"No, he's very stubborn"

"And..." Dougie hesitated "How long... How long does he have until... It happens...?"

"Well, not to long to be honest... He's got the yellow fever and that is no joke. Besides, he doesn't want the treatment I've offered him for both diseases, and the combination of these two illness will fastly end his life. It seems he's waiting patiently for his death."

Dougie took a deep breath and nodded. The doctor waited patiently until Dougie pulled himself together again, I could tell he was fighting back his tears and the shock of finding out that his bestfriend was going to be dead very soon.

"Alright, Doctor..." Dougie said, kind of choking for a moment "Thank you for coming. I'll send you a check later."

Doug closed the door slowly when the old man left and leaned against the wall for a moment. He put his hands over his hands and shook a bit as he sobbed. I looked away from him, ashamed; Harry was dying because of me. He was an asshole and he hurt me, but he didn't deserve this, he was my friend after all, or used to be it. Doug took a deep breath and went up the stairs, always walking very slowly. He opened the door from Harry's bedroom and smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?" Doug asked him softly.

"I love painkillers" Harry said and smiled.

Dougie nodded, he couldn't laught at the moment and it wasn't really funny anyway.

"It wasn't the brightest idea to go to Africa, right?" Harry said "Stupid mosquitos"

"You should have stayed like I told you" Dougie said as he leaned against the wall. He was looking so tired and his hair was dirty, like he hadn't taken a bath in days, he also had violet marks under his eyes, the poor boy hadn't slept too well either. He was a mess.

"I know I'm dying, I wanted to do something usefull before I was under the ground" Harry said "You know those kids needed what I offered them... It'd never enough but at least it's something"

"It's not fair anyway... Your life for theirs..."

"I'm dying anyway... Faster now, but I saw it coming"

Dougie moved his eyes from side to side, annoyed, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Please, don't be mad. I'm dying... I don't want to be frustated in my last weeks... or days..."

"Alright, then I'll pretend I'm alright and cry like a _baby_ after _being _the one who was to pay for your funeral"

"You don't have to if you don't want to"

Dougie sighed and tried to calm down again "It's alright... You know I'll do it anyway"

"I talked to my lawyer... I'm leaving you almost everything; the house, my drums, my clothes, everything... But I want you to promise me you will give this to Danny"

I got closer to see what it was and was really surprised to see a huge photograph of Bruce Springsteen in a wooden frame; it had his autograph.

"It was his brithday present... It took me so long to actually get it, but then... Well, you know. I would really appreciate it if you gave it to him"

"To be honest, Harry, I don' want to talk to Danny right now... I haven't in more than two years."

"I know... But, please, do it. Think about it has a dying wish. This probably won't mean anything to him but it belongs to him"

I felt so bad inside and didn't want Joanna to notice it, though I knew she already knew. Not only Harry was dying but he still wanted to gave me that gift, even after so many years, even after I had completely screwed up his life.

I turned around to face Joanna, deeply and honestly ashamed of myself for the first time.

"Will he really die? Just like that?"

"He's not AIDS and yellow fever... What do you expect?"

"I don't know, a miracle?"

"No, those aren't not cool anymore. _I_ am cool" she smiled evily, like she always did. Damn, she was lucky to be already dead, no one would want to date her.

"Will you do what I've asked you, Dougie?" Harry said and our blond friend nodded "Thanks"

"Just don't except me to smile, alright? I will stick around until... It happens... But do not tell me not to be sad"

"Alright" Harry said, sadness in his eyes "I hope that Danny will forgive me one day, you know? Will you also tell him I'm sorry?"

"Yes, I will... Then I'll kick his ass"

"No, you won't..."

"Yeah, well, no, I won't... But I want you to know I would if I was a good fighter."

They smiled at each other for a moment, then reality set in and their smiles faded in silence.

"This may sound gay, but..." Dougie looked down, both ashamed and sad "I'm really going to miss you"


	21. When You Start Talking, I Start Walking

**I just want you to know, and these words come from my heart, that I strongly hate mosquitos and they are the reason I think God's not real; how could he create such an evil animal?**

**'The Only Exception' by Paramore, from their newest CD, is so sweet in its own way, loved that song, check it out!  
**

**Enjoy ****and review. Come on, lazy girls!**

* * *

Dougie was looking pale and sick, wearing a clean suit and with his hair perfectly brushed backwards, which could't be a good sign, he never _ever_ brushed his hair. He was standing in front of a quite damaged door and Danny slowly opened it, looking even worse than Dougie, he looked _literally_ sick. He didn't show any kind of surprise or feeling at all when he saw Dougie, and neither did him. They just stared into each other, they looked so different when we'd been so similar before; Danny was a mess, Dougie looked like a perfect gentleman... They only had one thing on cmmon now; the deep sadness on their eyes.

"You are not coming, are you?" Dougie said, his voice sounding so weak.

"No, I'm not" Danny simply said with the same cold tone.

"This is for you" Dougie said and looked down at the photograph of Bruce Springsteen. Danny looked down at it but did nothing at all, and Dougie got impatient "Just take it, will you? Harry wanted you to have it"

"Well, I do not want anything that comes from him"

"Danny, please, just _take_ it."

"I won't"

Dougie sighed, then out of nowhere he pushed Danny backwards and he felt to the floor, inside his dirty apartment. Doug threw the photograph over him with anger as Danny looked at him surprised, we'd never seen him aggresive.

"Do not bother me, Daniel. Not today. Take the damn picture. Keep it. Burn it if you want, but keep it." Dougie said then tried to relax "I'm leaving now. I do not want you at the funeral."

"I wasn't going to go anyway"

Dougie turned around to leave, then turned once again to face Danny for just one moment.

"I just wonder how it feels to know that your friend died because of you"

"No friend of mine died" Danny said coldly, still laying on the floor "He wasn't my friend"

* * *

Everybody turned to watch Dougie as he entered the big room that had a closed and elegant coffin, though what mattered was what was inside it. Everybody was dressed in black, Harry's family was in a corner, away from the old friends Harry hadn't managed to keep but were still here to say their goodbyes. Tom was in a corner, almost ashamed of being there, talking to no one, just staring at the coffin. Dougie didn't know what do to or say, he just wanted to get out of there but he couldn't, he had to stay, it was Harry's wish and he could respect it.

Tom shyly walked towards Dougie and they just stared at each other for a moment.

"I'm sorry you had to do this on your own" Tom said.

"Don't apologize, Tom" Dougie said "You've been gone for two years, don't apologize _now_. The least you could do was coming"

"I'm sorry Danny didn't come"

"I'm glad he didn't"

"Dougie, look, I'm so-"

"I called Vicky" Dougie said before Tom said anything else, and he froze "I don't know if she's coming"

Tom hesitated, run his fingers several times through her hair then finally talked "Did she say something about me?"

"She doesn't want to see you Tom..." Dougie hesitated, then bit his lip "I'm sorry about that"

Tom nodded, more sadness in his eyes. I didn't think I could watch this anymore, but Joanna would make me do it anyway, I couldn't refure, I couldn't escape.

"Would you mind if I leave earlier?" Tom said, his voice stumbled for a moment "I just wouldn't want to bump into her, you know?"

"You've been gone for two years years... You can do whatever you want to do"

Dougie looked at him coldly, I'd never imagined he could be this cruel, but I didn't blame him either, he didn't deserve all this, the three of us had ruinned his life completely, _speacially_ me, _of course_.

Tom nodded and Dougie walked away without saying anything else... I guess there was no more friendship left there anymore. Great, something else I'd ruinned! And I think you may have realized I was being ironic.

"Follow Tom" Joanna said "There's something I want you to see"

I would have loved to just ignored her, but I had the feeling she would force me to see whatever was about to come, even if I said no, I had no idea what her powers were but I definitely didn't want to know either. I followed Tom as he left the building and just when he was walking down the long wooden stairs, I saw Vicky coming up, Andrew next to him, taking her hand tightly, smiling; he probably didn't even know he was going to a funeral.

Both Vicky and Tom froze when they saw each other and I could see the panic in her eyes, her deepest secrest was out for everybody to see now, specially the one person she didn't want to find out about it. She picked her son up in her arms and turned around quickly, almost running away from Tom's sight, and he just followed his insticts and ran behind her.

"Wait, Victoria, please wait!" he ran and he fastly reached her. She already had tears in her eyes and her son looked at her confused. Tom said nothing at all, just moved his mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out of it.

"Mummy, who's him?" Andrew asked in a whispered and Tom, who semed to have only eyes for Vicky and hadn't even noticed the boy, looked at him for the first time. His eyes grew bigger than I would had ever thought they could as he realized how similar that boy was to him.

"No one" Vicky said and kept walking, but Tom grabbed her shoulder and forced her to turn around.

"He said 'mummy'!" Tom said in shocked "How old is he?"

"What do you care?" Vicky said annoyed.

"I am like this!" Andrew said happily, not understanding a thing about what was going on, and showed two little fingers to Tom as he smiled.

"But... But..." Tom was shacking and couldn't stop mumbling "Did you cheated on me, Vicky?"

She burst out into tears "No!"

"So he must be... _Mine_!"

"No, he's not _yours_ either! He's only mine! Don't you get it, Tom? You are out of my life now and that's the way it has to be. I waited for you for too long, your chance is gone!"

"But you can not do this! He's _my_ son too!"

"Oh, yeah, and what are you going to do about it, huh!? Take him to the bars with you and Danny!? I think not! Leave us alone, Tom. You can not take care of him and I will not let you get in my heart again, I_ cant_!"

"Vicky, listen to me-"

"No, _you_ listen!"she pointed a finger at him, looking crazy and so sad at the same time "Stay away from us... _Please_, Tom, just _please._.. You can't be his father and you know it"

"But..." Tom's eyes were full of tears, guilt seemed to burn my tears and I felt so stupid, just watching, unable to do _anything_, not even able to stop watching "I love you"

"I do too... But I don't want to... So, again, please Tom... Just walk away like you did the last time"


	22. There's Nothing I Can Do

**I don't want next week to come... It's going to suck, I've got sooo many exams. I'm scared. I'm going to start studying as soon as I finish here.**

**Sorry for the delay, my mum made me clean my room, some stuff my sisters left here, and dear God there was so much dust!  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

**I think the story's ending soon.**

**P.S.: I love 'I belong to you' by Muse, both the remix and the original. They are so great! That guy sings to damn well!**

**[long chapter waiting for you guys]  
**

* * *

Dougie talked for a while with Harry's family, but only because they walked closer to him. He would have told all of the people there to just leave, he was angry at everyone, mad at the whole world, but he didn't say a word, he waited patiently for about an hour while Harrys' mum keep telling stories about his so loved son. I stood next to him all the time, supporting him in my own way, even if he hated me right then. I felt something hot inside my chest and tried to ignored it while I also tried not to look at Harry's coffin. At least knowing that he wasn't _really_ dead, that this wasn't _completely_ real, gave me a bit of comfort.

"I just find it quite hard to believe that he didn't leave us _anything_ in the will" Mrs Judd said and Dougie looked up at her, disgusted and angry "I know that you, Dougie, darling, supported him for a long time, but how could he have forgotten about his family?"

Dougie's fists were shacking and I saw nothing good coming from all this.

"Maybe he did that because _**I** _am the one who visited him _every_ single day! Or maybe because **_I_** am the one who paid for his funeral! Oh, or maybe it's because **_I_** am who watched him **DIE**!!"

Everybody was looking at him in silence, completely surprised, and Dougie's face was red because of the anger.

"You are loosing it, kiddo" I mumbled.

My heart stopped, as it usually did, when I saw Cecilia in a black dress, almost running towards Dougie, ready to take him out of there before he could punch Mrs Judd. She grabbed his arm and kind of dragged him out the room.

"You need fresh air" she mumbled as they ran down the stairs.

Once they were on the street, Dougie unbuttoned his black coat and threw his tie to the floor with anger, which Cecilia picked up later. They stared at each other for a moment, without knowing what to say.

"I didn't see you arrive" Dougie finally said, it was the first thing he could think of.

"I know, I was kind of hidding" she said "I was afraid that, well, you know... That Danny would be here"

"_Danny?_" Dougie laughed ironcly, absolutely annoyed at him again "Don't worry, he's not coming"

"Oh..." Cecilia hesitated, it seemed there was something she wanted to say but she wasn't going to say it to him "Did Harry suffer?"

"No" Dougie said, his anger replaced for a new sadness "He was under a lot of painkillers."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone, Dougie" she took his hand and caressed it tenderly. I wasn't jealous, Dougie needed some comfort and she seemed to be the only one there for him.

"Well, I wasn't completely alone... Eileen's been very supportive. She's my girlfriend"

"Yes, I know" Cecilia bitted her lip and rested her head on his shoulder. The two of them had always been good friend, I'd always loved that she got on well with my friend "I feel like this is _my_ fault, Harry's dead because of _me_"

"Oh, no, Cecilia, don't do _that_, it wasn't your fault at all.." Dougie huged her tightly.

"Dougie, there's something I want to tell you..." She took a deep breath and broke their closeness "I'm getting married soon"

He stared at her completely surprised while I felt someone stabbed me with a knife right into my already broken heart. She was getting married? With who? With that stupid Frederick!?

"I want you to be there, please..." she said.

"Well, I... I'll see what I can do" Dougie said, still surprised.

"You can come with Eileen if you want"

"Hey, how do you know about my girlfriend?" Dougie's face changed from surprised to confussion.

Cecilia looked at him too, confused "Eeverybody knows, people are crazy about what she writes"

"She writes?" Dougie seemed more and more confused by the minute and I could smell trouble.

"You didn't know?"

"No... I'm confused, what does she write about?"

"Well, _you_, about you and her mainly, your relationship, but also about Harry, what you tell her about Danny or Tom... She's been writing since she met you but they published everything like a year ago in a magazine called Cosmopolitan, most women ang girls in England read it. It's on the Internet too. Everybody loves it... Are you sure she _never_ mentioned it?"

Dougie's face talked for itself, the anger had clearly overpowered the sadness that out lost had brought to his troubled heart. Oh, boy, this weren't good news.

The environment chanegd and I saw Eileen opening the door for Dougie and smiling at him tenderly, though his face was absolutely the opposite, full of hate and pain.

"You came early" she said "How are you feeling, baby?"

"Oh, I'm great" Dougie said ironcly and smiled as he stepped into the house and crossed his arms over his chest "I just felt like visiting you... Hey, you never told me how you managed to buy me a new Ipod, you always say you are so poor and it just surprised me. Did you get a work or something?"

"Yes, I did" Eileen said, a bit nervous.

"What kind of job, _baby_?"

"In greengrocery"

"Oh, really? Then how come you were free all of your afternoons to go out with me? And you never missed a single day at school"

"I worked at night"

"In a greengrocery?" Dougie raised an eyebrow, Eileen was nervously trying to reach his lips but he kept moving backwards "Greengroceries aren't open at night, Eileen. Don't you have another kind of job? Maybe it included writing? Writting all I ever told you!?"

"Oh, my God, Dougie, you know? I'm so sorry, I _swear_!"

"You told everyone about my father, that I was being bullied, about Harry too, everything I _ever_ told you! You described when we had sexy, Eileen! I read it on your stupid blog on the Internet! I could go to jail for having sex with you, you konw that!"

"Dougie, _please_, don't be mad, my love! I'll stop writing, I promise! I'm so so sorry, I swear!"

"I don't believe you! And the worst is that you wouldn't have told me anyway! I would have never found out if it wasn't for my friends!"

"But, Dougie, I _never_ meant to hurt you! I just started writing for fun in my blog, saying how much I _really_ liked you, then everything got out of control, the offered me money and you konw I need it. I swear I didn't want to hurt you!"

"You lied to me for two years, for God's sake! I trusted you and you told the _whole_ world the size of my... You know _what_! You told everyone in Britain that I cried for an hour on your shoulder when Harry died! You wrote about my privacy and my friends. How can this be love if you lied to me since we met!?"

"Dougie, I love you!"

"I love you too, but you've treated me like crap, you've lied to me the entire time! If that's love, then I'm not interesting in loving! I've wasted two years of my life with you, but I don't anymore"

Dougie turned around, ready to leave. Eileen ran to an old wardrobe and opened it in a blink.

"Stop!" she shouted like a maniac as she grabbed a gun from one of the drawers "I mean it, _stop_!"

Dougie turned around, suddenly surprised.

"You wouldn't..." he said, he sounded really convinced.

"Please, don't go" she begged between sobs "You are all I have, Dougie. We'll be alright, you'll see"

"No, Eileen, I can't trust you and if _this_ is the real you, then I don't love you... Now put the gun down"

"No! You'll leave me!"

"I've already left you"

I very loud sound left me deaf for a moment and I panicked. Eileen's hand -actually her hold body, to be precised- was shacking and heavy tears ran down down her face. She dropped the gun and put her hands over her mouth, horrified. Dougie was laying on the floor, against the wall, his eyes wide opened in surprised but also full of pain and sadness. He had his hands over his estomach and when he looked down at himself, he seemed scared to already see blood on them. I ran to his side and knelt down next to him, both in shock and scared. He removed his hands from his estomach and stared at his now red shirt. Some tears of pain ran down his cheeks as he put his hands again over his estomach, as he would stop the blood by doing that.

"Help me" he mumbled as he stared at Eileen.

"Say you won't leave me, Dougie, please" she said, crying too.

"Please..."

Eileen moved her head from side to side, crying more and more. I turned to Dougie again, horrified, feeling desperate because I could do nothing at all.

"No, Dougie..." I mumbled "Not you"


	23. Back To The Beginning

**DON'T GET CONFUSED, this is not the end of the story. Next chapter is, I've already written it and it's so long.**

**READ PLEASE: I have three weeks left until Summer holidays finally arrive and I'll be very busy with school, so I think I'll stop writing during those weeks. I'll be back on December or even sooner, I'm addicted to writing. If you want to keep reading my stories -which to me would mean a lot-, then just click in the left corner of the website and choose 'Add author to author alert', so when I post a new story, this website will send you a message. If you don't, then good luck and thanks for reading this one :)**

**Enjoy and review. Thanks so much for every single review so far.**

**By the way, I'm sorry for killing Dougie.**

* * *

I looked around confused, I still wasn't ready to leave Dougie.

"Take me back!" I shouted to Joana.

"No" she said calmly, as if my bestfriend hadn't just been shot in front of us, it drove me even more insane "He's dead. There's nothing we can see there anymore. He's already rotting in the ground"

"Don't talk about him like that!" I shouted angrily. She hit me in the face with such strenght that I felt to the floor, surprised of how powerful she could be.

"Do not yell at me, boy. I'm more powefull that you can even imagine. You'd better keep your hands in your pockets, I will not repeat it again" she said coldly and serious.

I sat on the floor for a moment and put my arms around me, ignoring where we were or what I was supposed to see for just a moment. I touched the place where she'd hit me; it burned, just like the first time I'd touched her **[A/N: that's on the ending of Chapter 5, just in case you don't remember]**. I didn't care that she'd hit me, my pride was dead by now, I gave a damn about me, it was the rest of the people I knew what mattered... Now Dougie was dead. Dead because of _me_. Dead becaue of _my_ decisions.

"I can't believe this, Dougie dies like _that_?"

"And don't forget about Harry" Joanna smiled at me, her eyes full of cruelty; it reminded me of the way I looked at Cecilia in the hospital, I'd been so cruel, now I knew what if felt like to be looked at like that "Now take a look around and see what you have done" **[A/N: if you don't know that song, then shame on you... Dougie sings is! It's call 'take a look around']**

I was once again surprised what we were in a church, but I was even more surprised to see Cecilia on her own in a corner, staring out the window, lost in thoughts. I felt very nervous when I noticed she was wearing a wedding dress; she looked beautiful, like the prettiest angel God had _ever_ created, but she wasn't going to marry _me_.

A door near her flew opened and Cecilia jumped in her seat, scared. Anice, one of ther bestfriends ever, ran to her looking worried.

"You scared me" Cecilia said.

"It's almost time" Anice said.

"I know" Ceci whispered.

"I... I know I shouldn't say this but... You shouldn't marry Frederick"

"I agree!" I said and knelt down in front of my sweet lover. She was going to marry that idiot? I could do better than _him_!

"I've been afraid to tell you, but this had gone too far!" Anice said "I... I saw him, Cecilia... With another girl"

Anice started apologizing immediately for not telling her sooner, but stopped when she saw Cecilia's calm -but sad- face as she stared out the window again.

"You don't look surprised" her friend said "You knew, didn't you?"

"I did, yes..." Ceci mumbled.

"And you are still going to marry him!?" both her friend and I said.

Cecilia didn't even look at Anice, just watched as the clouds flew in the sky.

"After everything he's done to you!" Anice said, kind of annoyed.

"I've already told you he did not hit me on porpuse! It was an accident"

"Yeah, _sure_" Anice said "Do you even love him that much to forgive him for everything? You deserve someone better than Rick, even if you think you don't. He's not good for you"

"But at least he loves me, Ann"

"Well, he's got a_ really_ weird way to show it"

"You don't understand" Cecilia said "I've lost Danny, I've lost many friends, including Harry and Dougie who even _died_. I can't afford loosing anyone else! I don't want to be alone. Frederick may not be the best husband, but at least he will protect me and offer me a house and maybe even a family"

"You could find somebody else"

"No, Anice. Support me or leave, please"

Anice hesitated, then took her hand and looked at Cecilia with sweetness "I just want you to be happy"

Cecilia's mother came in smiling, not realizing the sadness on her daughter's eyes.

"Girls, i's time!" she said eagerly.

Anice and Cecilia's mother left her alone while she stood in silence in front of the tall wooden doors that were still closed. Once they were opened, she wold walk toward Rick and marry the wrong guy.

"Honey, listen to me" I said as I tood in front of her, trying desperately to catch her attention, but she kept looking right through me "Don't marry this guy, don't do it. My love, listen to me, _please_, I'm here, I'm _right_ here with _you_, I forgive you, I swear, I _do_. _Please_, just don't do it! Listen to me!"

"She won't" Joanna said in a ghostly voice.

The doors opened and Cecilia took a deep breath before faking a smile, maybe nobody else noticed it but I did, I could see it, she wanted this as much as I wanted to jump off the Eiffel tower without a parachute.

A graveyard was the next thing I saw, and Tom a few steps away from me, standing in front of a grave. He looked older, but not that much, maybe he was already 30 years old. He also looked so broken, so sad. I took a look at the grave and felt horribly sick when I saw my name in it. I put my hand over my chest and felt kind of relief to feel my heart beating.

"Vicky was right the whole time" Tom said "You didn't need those pills."

"I died because of the painkilles?" I asked Joanna "Is that even possible?"

"Yes" she said and then laughed "Only someone as stupid as you dies like that, but yes, it's possible. What a stupid way to die, don't you think?"

"So this is it?" I said "I die?"

"Everybody dies" she said and then I saw myself again in the hospital bed, unconsicous, Tom sitting in a chair in a corner of the room, sleeping, young and healthy. We were back in the beginning "You've really caused so many problems to so many people, Daniel. All that hate that you carry inside you is so strong... I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today... But maybe you just _can't_ help it"

I looked at her in silence for a moment, I didn't like at all the way she'd said that, the way her voice had sounded, it was so threating.

"I'm not just here to show you your pathetic life" Joanna said "I also can take with me those who I think do not deserve to keep on living"

I took a step back, a bit more afraid now.

"You are not thinking about taking me with you, are you? No offense, but I dont want to date you anymore"

"Why not?" she smiled "You could become me, a new Grim Reaper. That's what happens to the ones I get rid of"

"No" I said and took some more steps back "I don't want that"

"Well, I am the one who decides that" her evil smile seemed creepier that ever.

"I can change, I _swear_"

"No, you can't. Oh, come on, Danny, give me a kiss. Death's not that bad, I promise" **[A/N: remember that if she kisses him, he dies]**

"No, get away from me!"

I turned around when she leaned closer to me, but she just appeared in front of me again, looking at me with her cruel eyes. She pushed me against the wall with that unexpected strentgh she had and grabbed my arm with anger, her skin burned mine. I shouted in pain and wished she would just killed me fastly, I wanted everything to stop; the guilt, the bad memories, the suffering, the anger,_ everything_. I would die and everything I'd seen would never happen; Dougie wouldn't meet that psycho, Tom and Vicky would be together forever, Cecilia wouldn't marry Frederick, my sister would marry Lewis, Harry wouldn't get those diseases, everyone would be just fine. This was the only way to protect the ones I loved, to save them from myself, to make sure they would not suffer because of me.I wanted to die if that meant I'd save _them_.

"Goodbye, Danny"


	24. Forgiveness

**LAST CHAPTER**

**Ok, the ending is quite long. I hope you've liked the story though honestly this is not one of my favorite endings.**

**You'll be hearing more from me in a while, after I'm done with school's exams and I'm free to stop studying. I hope some of you will go on reading my stories ;)  
**

**Enjoy and please review.**

* * *

_I felt weak and tired, though I knew I was waking up. I felt pain in a lot of places in my body and I didn't know where I was or how I'd got here. Why did I feel this way? What had happend to me? I was still too lazy to open my eyes, so I just laid there trying to remember the last thing I could remember; a loud kind of mechanical sound, fear and darkness. I tried to go back a little bit more in my memories; I could almost hear the rain falling against my car's windows, the tears running down my cheeks and the anger and disappointment inside every corner of my mind. I had never known what it was to have a broken heart, but __now I knew. How could she had done this to me? How __dared she? I'd __never done __anything to hurt her, I'd been a good boyfriend. And my bestfriend... How could he betray me like that? I'd always been a good friend, loyal all along. So what did I make to deserve __this?_

_I bit my lower lips as flashes of Harry and Cecilia ran through my mind, uncontrolably, I couldn't help imagining them kissing, laughing behind my back. I couldn't take it anymore, more tears ran down my cheek. I could hear my phone ringing inside my pocket, and I already knew it was Cecilia calling, or some of my friends. Twenty minutes ago, I'd been the happiest guy on Earth. Fifteen minutes ago, I found out my girlfriend and best friend had slept together. '__It was a long time ago' they said, but it didn't matter to me, they had kept it in secret for two long years, __everybody but me seemed to know, I felt so stupid. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to stop the tears, which made my eyes blurry. I heard a car's horn and opened my eyes immediately, surprised and suddenly afraid._

_'__Car accident' I thought and felt a weird feeling in my estomach as I remembered my grandfather had died like that._

_I opened his eyes, suddenly curious, to make sure I was alive and wasn't already up in heaven. Tom was sleeping in a chair in the corner of the white room in which we were. There was a large windown and I could see the grey clouds outside, it seemed like it was very early in the morning. I wondered how long I had been asleep. I took a big breath and sat in the hospital bed in which I was laying. I stared at the bandages around my chest and touched my head, which also had bandages, for a moment and then decided to get some information; what the hell had happened to me?_

I couldn't get up or at least not without feeling a strong pain because a big part of my left leg was in a cast. I tried to sit in the bed and I felt every inch of my body in pain.

"Oh, God..." I mumbled in pain.

Tom moved a little bit and slowly opened his eyes. He looked at me for a moment, then stood up in a blink. He ran to me, smiling, but also with a worried look.

"Danny! You are awake!" he said.

I looked at him confused; why shouldn't I be awake?

"Why does my body hurt? What happened?"

"You've been in a coma, Danny, for about a week now. You kind of opened your eyes yesterday but that was about it, though the doctors said that it meant that you weren't in the coma any longer, which was a relief. You really scared the hell out of us"

I looked around me and found the room extremely annoying, too white for my tired eyes, and the noise from outside hurt my ears. I felt annoyed at the whole world and I was also annoyed because I had the feeling I was forgetting about something, something very very important, something I wasn't supposed to forget and I just couldn't remember what.

"Did anyone come to visit me?" I asked Tom.

"Yes, a lot of people... Your family, Dougie, Vicky, me of course..." Tom hesitated "Harry and Cecilia have come too. She's on her way here, she always comes at 8 a.m."

I felt twice annoyed when he said their names and I once again had the feeling I was forgetting something, something that was related to them.

"I just... I don't know... I remember a blong girl..." I said confused, I had this blurry image of a blond girl with cruel eyes, but I was sure I hadn't ever seen her before.

"You should have been dreaming"

"Yes..." I mumbled "It was just a dream..."

"Are you alright? Should I call the doctors? Are you in a lot of pain? I can ask for painkillers"

"Don't" I said immediately, though I didn't know why and that confused me even more. God, my head hurt so much. It's like there was another me inside it but it was hiding deep in my thoughts.

"What?"

"I don't want painkillers"

"Why not?"

"I don't know..." I thought about it for a moment, trying to find a reason, but I couldn't "Just... Don't"

"Alright..." Tom said, a bit confused too "Are you sure you are alright?"

"Not really..." I sighed and tried to relax, but I couldn't help feeling pain in at least one part of my body the whole time "There are memories in my head... But at the same time, I can't remember what they are or mean, they are blurry, I don't understand..."

"Danny, you've just woken up for a coma, I guess this is normal" Tom hesitated then took a big breath and looked at me a bit more seriously "There's something I want to talk about with you"

I looked up at him with curiosity... I didn't know why but I couldn't help thinking about Tom and something related to a graveyard, it gave me chills.

"I've talked to our manager and his aware of our... Situation... With Harry. We wants to know what you are planning to do"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"He wonders if you can go on with the band, go on seeing Harry"

I tried to think about it for a moment, but all I could think of was that there was something I had to remember, something about Harry.

"I don't know" I said. I felt confused; I hated Harry but I felt like I shouldn't, there was something I had to remember, a reason not to hate him, it overpowered my hate, but didn't completely destroy it. Yes, I was hurt, but I couldn't help feeling I'd hurt them too in a way, though I didn't know how because I'd been sleeping here the whole time "I don't want to talk about it now, Tom... I'm tired"

"Alright, we'll talk about it later, Danny" he said and smiled at me. I felt like I somehow didn't deserve his kindness, I felt like he should hate me, but I couldn't figure out _why_.

The nearest door to us opened and Cecilia came in looking tired and miserable. Two strong feelings took full control of my mind when I saw her pretty sad face; anger and a strong desire to protect her, like something was going to hurt her. I hated her as much as I loved her, it's a weird feeling that can not be explained. She looked embarrased and afraid when she saw me awake, but I saw the corners of her lips curving up.

"You're awake" she said.

I nodded, that was the only thing I managed to do. I couldn't talk because I had no idea what I was supposed to say and I couldn't think because I felt my mind was like a roller coaster with memories that were out of control.

"I'm going to leave you alone for a while" Tom said and awkwarly left the room.

Cecilia sat next to me and looked at me for a long time while I stared back at her. I felt like I'd seen this sad face before but I didn't understand where. I was going to go mad, I couldn't catch up with my own mind and memories.

"Are you alright?" she whispered and I just nodded. I still couldn't say anything, a part of me wanted to say 'I hate you' and another part was begging me to say 'I love you', as if the consequences would be horrible if I didn't "Danny, please say something..."

"I... I don't know what to say"

"Tell me what you feel"

"But I don't know what I feel"

She sighed, I could see the tears approaching her eyes and it both broke my heart and filled me with the sweet feeling of revenge "Can you forgive me for what I did?"

"I would have to betray myself if I did that" I said. A tiny voice inside my head was telling me to say yes, it was telling me that if I dind't, I would be the way who would later ask for forgiveness. If I couldn't forgive, nobody would forgive _me_.

She nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she placed her hand on my cheek and it felt amazing, her skin was so soft, and it also reminded me of such a different feeling, of something burning my skin, someone hurting me, but I couldn't remember who or when.

"I'm so sorry, Danny" she said "I hope you can forgive me one day"

"I don't think I can, Cecilia... Everytime I look at you, I see Harry by your side. How can you love me if you did that to me?"

"It was a mistake, Danny. I can't even remember it, it meant nothing, we were so so drunk..."

"But those are just excuses... What would you do if you were if my shoes?"

She looked down ashamed and just seconds later she stood up.

"I guess you don't want me here anymore then. I won't bother you again, Danny" she whispered. I said nothing because I had nothing to say. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. Well, I wasn't going to be a fool anymore. She walked toward the door and put the door on the handle, for the turned around one last time "I just want you to know I really do love you, Danny"

But I didn't listen to her, my eyes were locked on her shirt and the words on it: 'I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today.' A horrible feeling crossed my mind and I felt unsafe; I knew that phrase from somewhere, from my blurry memories, the blond girl had said it. But who was she? What happened to me?

Cecilia closed the door behind her and I found myself alone in that quiet room, afraid by no reason, or at least not one I could remember. I didn't want to be alone, it didn't feel right. My hate and anger were consuming my mind, but there still was that little voice telling me to fix this. What if I didnt? What then? What if I let her go? Would she be alright on her own? What would happen with the band? What if I chose hate over forgiveness?

A weird but powerfull guilt seemed to answer those questions; could I really be this selfish? She'd said she was sorry and she was being honest. Everbody makes dumb mistakes, right? And she doesn't even remember. '_I'd been drunk loads of times_' I thought '_But Tom has always been there to make sure I didn't do anything stupid_' She didn't mean it and neither did Harry. It was a mistake. Nothing good ever came from hate. Forgiving was such a difficult thing to do but yet it could offer me a better future, I was sure of that though I didn't know _why_.

'_If she leaves now_' I thought '_she won't come back to me_'

I felt very anxious and nervous. I tried to stand up but felt to the floor and felt horribly dizzy, not only because I'd stood up so fast but because the pain was too strong. I stood un my right leg, the one who was alright, and opened the door from my room. I felt so sick and fell to the floor, confused, dizzy, everything was a mess, I felt lost, I felt weak.

"Danny!"

Cecilia came from nowhere and knelt down by my side. She put her arms around me and though it hurt, it was exactly was I needed to feel safe again, she would protect me and I would protect her, always, it was meant to be that way.

"Danny, what are you doing out of your bed? Are you alright?" she said in shock and a nurse ran to call my doctor.

"No, I'm not alright... I felt so bad"

"I know, you are an idiot, you don't have to stand up"

"No, it's not that... I hurt you"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know" I felt stupid, I couldn't explain myself and I didn't even know what I meant "I just know I did... Or in the future. I don't know! I just don't want to be the one who hurts you"

"But why-.. What-... I don't understand"

"Neither do I" I laughed at my own confussion "I just think that... To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already dead... I don't want to die, Cecilia."

She hugged me closer and kissed my forehead "Danny, you're not going to die, you'll be alright, nobody's going to hurt you, I wouldn't allow it and you should know that."

I felt I should have a reason to be scared, like someone was going to hurt me or had already hurt me, but I was there in her arms and nothing else really mattered, not even the fact that my wounds were bleeding... _Again_. I was safe.

"I forgive you... Well, it's going to take some time, but I do. I love you, Cecilia... I have decided to stick with love, hate is too great a burden to bear."


End file.
